


saw a philter of love today... effervescent

by so_it_shines



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23934916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/so_it_shines/pseuds/so_it_shines
Summary: 'Fjord swallowed his sip of wine and smiled at Caleb, oh boy oh boy, this was it…In that moment Jester’s mind raced with the possibilities of how Fjord would react. Would he gasp and exclaim that he had never seen Caleb in this light before? Would he try to take his hand and profess his love? Jester had been making a concerted effort to separate fantasy romance from real life in her mind, but old habits die hard, and really, what belonged in the pages of a smutty novel more than a love potion?'
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 71
Kudos: 287





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a simple woman - I see a way of forcing confessions out of repressed characters, I write it. 
> 
> Yes, this was inspired by that one scene in Vox Machina where Vax and Grog prank Scanlan. Yes, the title is a reference to that one Twilight post about the snail.

‘Don’t you think that would be a little cruel, you know, all things considering?’ Jester was speaking out of the corner of her mouth to Nott as she swung her legs, perched on the arm of the sofa in Reani’s little house, the sounds of laughter and clanking pots and crockery coming from the kitchen.

They were mostly alone, only Caleb sat with them in the den, cross-legged in front of the bookcase, nose buried in the book on poisons Reani had given him. Caduceus and Reani were cooking them all a final meal before they set off in the morning towards the kiln to re-forge Caduceus’ sword, and Beau had convinced Fjord to go workout with her in one of the curiously green park spaces that were dotted around Uthodurn.

‘Nah, he’s a big boy, he can handle it,’ Nott murmured back, the beginnings of a wicked grin twirling up the corners of her mouth like a dastardly moustache, ‘besides, if I were going through a tough spot, I know I’d want everyone to keep treating me like normal, and gentle bullying is normal for me and Fjord, if anything it’s what he’d want. It’s the kind thing to do.’

Jester stifled a cackle.

‘So, are you in?’ Nott made the little vial of rosy-hued, effervescent liquid dance provocatively in Jester’s line of sight.

‘Oh, Nott,’ Jester gave a big, melodramatic sigh, ‘you know I can’t say no to you.’

‘Excellent,’ the grin on Nott’s face was huge, with more than a hint of sharp teeth.

Jester couldn’t lie, the prospect of playing a little harmless prank on Fjord was enormously appealing. The part of her brain that was always trying to think up new and exciting ways to pay homage to the Traveller had been in overdrive since the moment Nott had revealed her prize.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the nein, she had snatched up a little vial of _something-something_ from Ava’s hoard of items, and after ruling it out as an aide in a fight, had approached Jester with the proposition of a prank.

‘I’m not gonna lie, I’m really excited to see what Fjord acts like when he’s in love,’ Jester drew out that last syllable in a whispered sing-song.

‘It’s going to be hilarious.’

‘I think it might be nice for him,’ Jester rounded on Nott, face twisted up in a sudden moment of thoughtfulness, ‘you know, it might take his mind off of everything with Ukotoa-‘

‘Ukotoa,’ Nott echoed back. Jester giggled.

‘-and like, I don’t know if he’s really been in love before, you know? Like, he said he’s done the _hmm hmm_ but not with someone serious, and then he’s only really been with Avantika,’ the name made Jester’s brows furrow and her voice darken for a brief second, before she continued again, ‘since we’ve known him. I think he’s just not had many opportunities to fall in love, you know?’

‘I don’t know, Jester, I still think he’s in love with you. I mean, who wouldn’t be?’

Jester guffawed, swatting Nott with the back of her palm.

‘Nooo, Nott, he’s not in love with me. If he was he’d have said something by now,’ Nott looked like she might protest, but Jester continued on, ‘and it’s ok, I just thought he was like, my prince or something, or like a knight in shining armour, but he’s just Fjord, and that’s ok, and of course I love him, but I don’t think he’s gonna sweep me off my feet or anything, you know?’

‘Ok, ok, if you say so. But maybe if you’re the first one he sees after drinking the potion, then he won’t act any differently and then we’ll know he’s in love with you for real!’

‘Sure, Nott,’ Jester spoke fondly, pleased by how committed Nott was to championing this cause on her behalf, but with a definite tinge of sarcasm, ‘maybe he’ll do that.’

Nott looked satisfied at that.

‘So, when we all sit down for dinner, you get everyone’s attention, and I’ll slip it into his drink. Then we just wait and see who the first person he spots is and let the fun begin.’

‘Sounds like an excellent plan, fellow detective! Now, I gotta go, I promised to help Reani decorate a cake.’

***

The Mighty Nein plus Reani sat in a big circle in the den exclaiming over the dish that Caduceus and Reani had put together. It was probably the heartiest and most flavoursome meal they’d had in some time, and Jester found her chest was as warm and full as her belly as she smiled around at her friends, just hanging out, perched on sofas and on the floor, sharing a home cooked meal. Maybe one day when the war was over…

She shook off the wistfulness and tried to enjoy the moment.

Reani was sitting on one sofa, glowing over the compliments, Caduceus sitting next to her deflecting the majority of them her way. Beau sat cross-legged on the floor by Reani’s feet scarfing down a second helping. Nott was perched on the arm of the other sofa next to Jester, who was sitting squished up next to Fjord. There was a bit of a squeeze on this sofa due to the fact that Caleb had tried to take a spot on the floor, but Fjord had insisted on budging over to make room. Caleb looked a little uncomfortable, picking intently at his meal, but also quietly pleased by the insistence at which he had been included.

‘Jester, let’s go get the cake!’ Reani looked positively buoyed with excitement, and Jester bounced up to join her.

‘Oh yes, I can’t wait until everybody sees it, it’s really well decorated, you guys,’ Jester proclaimed.

‘Maybe you guys could grab some more wine as well? Some of us have empty glasses,’ Nott locked eyes with Jester and inclined her head towards Fjord.

‘Oh yes, Reani, do we have more wine?’

‘We always have more wine,’ Reani grinned.

They procured the cake and another couple of bottles and proudly paraded their work around the room, letting everybody ooh and ahh over the likenesses on the cake. Reani went around the room topping up the wine glasses. Fjord accepted more, much to Jester and Nott’s silent glee.

Jester glanced over at Nott, who gave her an encouraging nod and a thumbs up. Reani was pouring Beau a glass of wine and the pair were laughing over something, clearly not paying attention to the others in the room. Caduceus was engrossed in a one-sided conversation with one of Reani’s houseplants, and so wasn’t likely to be keeping an eye out.

Happy that the others were suitably distracted, Jester flounced over to Fjord and Caleb, drawing their attention away from Nott. She thrust the cake in their faces.

‘Look, you guys, I gave Fjord some little icing tusks, aren’t they just the cutest?’

‘It’s, ah, lovely work, Jester,’ Fjord said, looking a little embarrassed. It was silly, really how shy Fjord was. Couldn’t he see how handsome he was? It was literally the _first_ thing Jester had noticed about him for goodness’ sake.

‘They are adorable, Jester. You are a true confectionary artist,’ Caleb laughed.

‘I don’t think adorable is the word. Maybe intimidating. Or tough.’ Fjord sounded a little miffed.

‘Adorably tough,’ Jester chirped, glancing over at Nott, who gave her another thumbs up, flashing the empty bottle. Nott was so sneaky, Jester loved it. She grinned at her co-conspirator.

‘Ja, just so,’ Caleb teased, turning to smirk at Fjord as Fjord’s brow furrowed.

‘Well, I suppose I can make that work,’ Fjord offered with a self-conscious smile, clearly trying to move away from the topic. 

‘Well, cheers, I’ll drink to that,’ Caleb said, raising his wineglass to Fjord’s.

Jester’s heart flipped with anticipation as the two of them clinked their glasses together and raised them for a sip, looking each other directly in the eye.

Jester had to bring her fist up to her mouth to contain the giggles that threatened to escape. She glanced at Nott out of the corner of her eye to see that the goblin’s mouth was hanging agape, clearly not having anticipated this result.

Fjord swallowed his sip of wine and smiled at Caleb, _oh boy oh boy, this was it…_

In that moment Jester’s mind raced with the possibilities of how Fjord would react. Would he gasp and exclaim that he had never seen Caleb in this light before? Would he try to take his hand and profess his love? Jester had been making a concerted effort to separate fantasy romance from real life in her mind, but old habits die hard, and really, what belonged in the pages of a smutty novel more than a love potion?

As she watched, her knuckles turning white where she gripped the cake plate, eyes locked on the men beside her on the sofa…

Nothing happened.

They continued to talk as before, and eventually Jester tore her eyes away and shrugged at Nott. Maybe the batch was faulty? Maybe it was missing an activating ingredient or something?

Nott looked simultaneously disappointed and relieved. Jester got the sense that as much as Nott wanted to humiliate Fjord, lovingly of course, she didn’t want Caleb to be caught in the crossfire.

She busied herself distributing cake, and promptly forgot about the failed prank.

For the next while, Jester’s attention was taken up by the eating of cake, the drinking of hot chocolate, and subsequently a rather spirited and sudsy water fight that erupted over the washing of the dishes.

When Jester emerged from the kitchen, eyes bright with mirth, sleeves a little damp and suds still clinging to her hair, Fjord and Caleb were still sitting on the sofa, but their conversation had dried up, and Caleb was lying on his back with his head resting against one of Fjord’s thighs, nose back in his book, Frumpkin purring on his belly. Ever since he’d received that package from Calianna with the anti-allergy spell, Fjord had seemed a lot happier around Frumpkin, and Jester smiled as she saw the fond expression Fjord was directing towards the fey cat.

Occasionally, Caleb would point out something interesting in the book, and Fjord would read over Caleb’s shoulder making the appropriate sounds of interest. They looked pretty cosy, and Jester almost wondered for a moment if the philtre had actually taken effect… before she realised that, no, it had been more than an hour so even if it had, the effects would have worn off by now.

‘Oh, hi, Jester,’ Fjord startled a little as he saw her in the doorway, watching them.

‘Hiya, Fjord!’ she chirped, bouncing over to the other sofa.

Caleb pushed himself upright, looking a little embarrassed to have been caught snuggling up to Fjord’s leg, but Jester thought it was sweet how they had become more comfortable with each other. They were so much more tactile than they had been before, often linking hands, or ruffling each other’s hair. Jester attributed it to their both having come from backgrounds where they were unused to physical affection, and now making up for lost time. She smiled to herself at the thought.

‘Hallo, Jester,’ Caleb smiled, a little groggy and tired. The candle light was getting low and the rest of the nein were starting to congregate in the den for the night.

Caleb shifted on the sofa, putting a little distance between himself and Fjord, as Fjord absentmindedly rubbed his hand against the spot where Caleb’s head had been resting.

Nott slipped into the room from who knows where - probably poking through Reani’s bedroom - and plonked herself on the sofa next to Jester, swaying slightly. The rest of the group were filtering back into the room from the kitchen and taking their places once more in the circle of blankets and pillows.

‘Fjord,’ Nott slurred her words a little, her voice louder than usual. Jester cringed, realising how drunk her friend must be by now.

‘Fjord,’ she repeated, once the man in question had looked up towards her, head cocked, ‘have you ever been in love?’

Fjord looked uncomfortable.

‘Well, I don’t know what prompted this, but I’m fairly certain I’ve told you before.’

‘It’s a sleepover, you’re supposed to ask invasive personal questions, you know, girl talk,’ Nott waved her hand impatiently, ‘so you haven’t been in love? Do you think you just can’t fall in love? Because that’s fine! I knew one or two folks back in Felderwin who didn’t care for such things.’

‘Nott, I don’t think-‘ Caleb started, a warning edge to his voice.

‘No, Caleb, it’s fine,’ Fjord offered Caleb a small, tired smile, and turned back to Nott, ‘just because I haven’t been in love before now, doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love. And frankly, I really don’t see why this is relevant. I think we should all just have a nice, early night-‘

‘So why didn’t it work?’ Nott directed this at Jester, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

‘Nott, shh,’ Jester tried, ‘let’s just go to sleep-‘

‘No, I want to know why the potion didn’t work.’

‘What potion didn’t work, Nott?’ Now there was a dangerous note in Caleb’s tone. He had shut his book and was staring warily at Nott, hackles raised.

‘The philter of love that we put in Fjord’s wine!’ Nott raised her hands in the air in frustration and brought them down on her knees with a smack that silenced the room.

A beat.

Fjord spluttered.

‘You did what?’ Caleb looked _pissed_ with a capital P. ‘Jester, is this true?’ 

‘It was Nott’s idea,’ Jester squeaked, jabbing a finger in the aforementioned goblin’s direction.

‘Hey- actually that’s fair,’ Nott acquiesced.

‘So you put a random potion in Fjord’s drink. Did you make it, Nott? How did you know it wouldn’t be dangerous?’

‘No, I didn’t make it, Caleb. I _stole_ it. From Ava.’

Reani looked like she was struggling with particularly uncomfortable gas. Beau patted her on the knee in what she clearly thought was a comforting manner. 

Nott rummaged for a moment in her pockets and produced the vial. She tossed it over to Caleb.

‘Here, see for yourself. It’s basically harmless. We were just playing a little prank. It didn’t even work! It was probably just sugar water-‘

Caleb held up a finger and Nott promptly shut up, allowing him to read the label in silence.

Fjord was sitting there quietly, looking stricken. Jester felt a sinking feeling in her stomach that told her that _maybe_ this had been a little far to take a prank. She tried to catch Fjord’s eye and make an apologetic face, but he was too caught up staring at his own knuckles clutching the edge of the sofa.

‘The next time you see a creature within ten minutes,’ Caleb muttered softly, reading under his breath, ‘charmed for one hour - okay that is not too bad - you regard that creature as your true love-‘ Caleb stopped reading, his eyes flickering up to Fjord, who was resolutely avoiding eye contact. ‘Well maybe Fjord’s will is just too strong and he was not affected. But still, this was a stupid idea, you two.’

Jester wilted a little under his disapproving glare, but Nott was not swayed.

‘Fjord’s will isn’t that strong, I mean, come on!’ Nott exclaimed. She turned back towards Jester, ignoring Caleb’s disapproval like a seasoned pro. ‘Jester, who did he see first when he drank-‘

She seemed to remember all by herself as her eyes snapped back to Caleb.

‘Fjord, did you think Caleb was your true love for an hour and didn’t tell anybody? Wow, I didn’t think it was possible to be _that_ repressed! Kudos to you-‘

Jester watched Fjord carefully as Nott continued on blithely.

Fjord’s grip on the sofa’s edge hadn’t let up for the entire duration of this conversation, and he continued to stare blankly ahead, breathing shallow and irregular.

Jester gasped, something clicking into place. She couldn’t help herself and the soft words escaped her lips before she could catch them.

‘Fjord, how long have you been in love with Caleb?’

Fjord’s eyes met hers helplessly and she knew at once that she was right. It had worked after all. Only, Fjord was already in love with Caleb, so nothing changed. Just like Nott had predicted, but with one crucial difference.

‘I-,’ Fjord stammered, ‘Jester-‘

Jester bit her lip, feeling a brief twinge of shame that she had revealed his secret so flippantly, but also a strange, giddy, effervescent sensation in her belly. Fjord and Caleb. Why hadn’t she seen it before?

Caleb’s face softened from anger into confusion. He blinked a moment, then turned slowly, delicately towards Fjord, his mouth hanging open a little.

‘Fjord?’ Caleb asked, softly, almost inaudibly, his hand lifting and twitching towards Fjord’s, but fluttering in the air just shy of contact.

Fjord turned at the sound of his name, colour rushing to his cheeks. He took a breath in as if to say something, changed his mind, then his expression closed up.

‘I think I’m going to get some air,’ Fjord announced to the room at large, before pushing himself off the sofa and striding out of the house. 

Everyone sat for a moment in dazed silence, as though a fluffernutter explosion had just blown through.

Caleb shook himself and pushed off the sofa. He locked eyes with Nott and Jester respectively, declaring, ‘Shame on you both,’ and walked out after Fjord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is tropey, self-indulgent mush, but I hope it appeals to some of you as well! This is probably the only chapter in Jester's POV, just as a heads up. It switches to Caleb's and then Fjord's as the story continues. Might insert a bit from Beau's perspective, might not. Stick around and find out, I guess!
> 
> I've got it mostly written and I'll drop the new chapters pretty quickly, I imagine. Don't forget to give me some love in the comments! I crave even the most bare bones human connection these days #quarantinevibes


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb talks to Fjord and clears up some confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no concept of delayed gratification, so here, let's get to the good stuff.

The front door seemed to echo throughout the entire underground labyrinth of Uthodurn as it slammed shut behind Caleb. The night’s air was chill, sobering, as he stepped out into the street, looking around for Fjord.

His feet seemed to know where to go before Caleb himself did, and he found himself tracing the path towards the little park they had passed on the way to Reani’s house.

Fjord was sitting on a little metal bench, hunched over, head in his hands. Caleb made a point of letting his footsteps fall loudly against the gravel path to alert Fjord to his presence.

Fjord glanced up at the sound, looking drawn and tired. When he recognised Caleb he sat up straighter, and as he approached, Caleb heard him clear his throat reflexively. It was so typically Fjord it made something swoop in Caleb’s belly.

Wordlessly, Caleb sat down on the bench next to Fjord, keeping a respectful distance between them. He heard Fjord shift next to him as he stared down at his own hands, twisting and tense.

‘Caleb, I-‘ Fjord faltered for a moment. Regrouped. ‘There’s no point lying, is there? You’d just see right through it?’

‘Ja, Fjord,’ Caleb said, a little breathlessly. He turned to look into Fjord’s face and was stunned for a moment by the sheer resignation in Fjord’s expression. He frowned.

‘Do not let this change things between us, as you have seen I am fairly adept at keeping my, _ahem_ , personal feelings under wraps.’

‘Oh, Fjord,’ Caleb almost laughed. He tilted his head to the side, examining how Fjord’s face was twisted into a mask of contrition and regret, and - was that - loss? ‘No, that is not what I want at all.’

‘Ah. I will, keep my distance, then, for the foreseeable future if that is what you desire,’ Fjord turned away from Caleb, breathing ragged and loud in the silence of the night.

‘No, that is not what I want either, Fjord.’

‘Then what?’ The words came out harsh and desperate as Fjord kept staring into the middle distance, pointedly away from Caleb. His hands were wringing.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Caleb reached out gingerly with his left hand and, with the lightest of touches, tilted Fjord’s head back towards him. Fjord seemed to almost subconsciously push into the touch.

Caleb looked directly into Fjord’s eyes and tried to layer as much sincerity as he could muster into the next phrase. Even as the words crested his tongue he had to restrain himself from cutting them off with a snap of his teeth. He felt pressurised, ready to blow.

He breathed in deeply and spoke on the exhale.

‘I want you, if you will have me. I want to be with you.’

‘Oh,’ Fjord’s brow furrowed.

‘Ja, oh.’

‘I- I want you, also, Caleb,’ Fjord replied, sounding almost confused at hearing the words come out of his own mouth. He frowned for a second, then laughed lightly. Gripping Caleb’s other hand between both of his, without breaking eye contact, he said, in a stronger, more forceful tone: ‘I want to be with you, too.’

Caleb laughed, bright and loud and sharp against the stillness.

‘Gut, das is gut.’

‘Yes, yes it is gut,’ Fjord laughed again, harsh and heady.

Caleb tipped his forehead against Fjord’s and they sat there for a minute, maybe longer, maybe forever, laughing so hard they were shaking, tremors beginning with one of them and ending in the other, their hot breath mingling in the air between them.

Caleb found his head buried in the crook of Fjord’s neck as their laughter subsided into effervescent giggles, intermittently bubbling up their throats and escaping into the night. Fjord’s right hand was now braced against Caleb’s hip, and he leaned into the warmth of it, relishing in the sensation of being held.

‘I feel as though I have caught a firefly between my cupped palms, and it glows so beautifully, but I do not dare let it go or it will fly away from me,’ Caleb murmured into Fjord’s shoulder, so quietly he wasn’t sure if Fjord could even hear him.

He heard.

‘I would never. I _could_ never.’

‘Gut.’

‘Quite literally, in fact, I could never,’ Fjord said with a bitter laugh.

Caleb lifted his head up so that he could face Fjord, and looked him dead in the eye.

‘You are still capable of incredible things, Fjord. You are the strongest of all of us.’

‘I appreciate the sentiment, but that’s not entirely-‘

‘It is true. Fjord, you are a force of nature. You will find your path. But that matters not to me, because deep down, under all the layers of abilities and artifice, you are a good man, and I want to be with you. Not with your old powers, with you. The you that is here before me on this bench. You, Fjord.’

Fjord huffed a little, incredulous laugh. Then he lifted his hand up to Caleb’s face and ran his thumb over Caleb’s cheek with wonder in his eyes.

‘What did I do to deserve this?’ Fjord murmured.

He traced his thumb over Caleb’s lips, a question in his eyes. He clearly found the answer in Caleb’s as he leaned in, slowly, intentionally, to brush Caleb’s lips with his own.

Feather-soft at first, then tangible, Fjord caught Caleb’s lower lip between his own, once, twice, then grazed it with his teeth. Caleb felt lightheaded, returning the favour by chasing after Fjord’s lips and kissing him with a force hard enough to bruise. He tangled his hand in Fjord’s hair, and clenched his fist, tilting Fjord’s head until they fit together like a lock and key.

Caleb, tiring of the awkward angle, threw one leg over Fjord’s so that he was straddling Fjord’s lap, and Fjord happily shifted to make room, catching Caleb round the waist and tugging him closer. Caleb kissed his way to the crook of Fjord’s neck, dragging his stubbled jaw against the soft skin of Fjord’s cheek along the way. Fjord gasped, and Caleb redoubled his efforts to try and replicate that blessed sound.

Fjord turned his head to find Caleb’s lips again, this time with an open mouth kiss, and it was Caleb’s turn to gasp. Against his own desire, Caleb pulled back a little to whisper against Fjord’s lips, in between Fjord’s attempts to rekindle the kiss, ‘and you say you don’t have magic anymore.’

Fjord laughed, a deep, chesty sound that reverberated through Caleb’s ribcage. Caleb surrendered in to the kiss once more. Hands tugging Fjord as close as he could get and then closer still. Caleb was pretty sure there were fireflies living in his belly now, glowing and golden and warm.

Fjord’s calloused fingertips were playing at the edge of Caleb’s shirt, and with all the self-control he could muster, Caleb pulled away once more.

‘I’m not familiar with Uthodurn’s public indecency laws, but I’m fairly certain if we stay out here much longer we’ll be breaking them very utterly and thoroughly,’ he said between gentle kisses.

‘I think you’re right,’ Fjord groaned, his reluctance tangible.

Caleb stole another kiss before climbing off of Fjord’s lap. He extended a hand to tug Fjord up to standing, and the pair of them teetered together for a moment, hand in hand, Fjord’s arm hooked around Caleb’s waist, in a tiny, silent waltz, before breaking apart.

As they walked back towards Reani’s house, they kept bumping into one another’s side, as though magnetized.

When they arrived outside the front door, they could see the silhouettes of the group still sitting up in the candlelight through the window. Caleb smoothed down his shirt and reached up to brush Fjord’s hair back into place, stealing another almost-chaste kiss before darting back quickly.

‘Somehow I think that at least Jester, and perhaps Nott too, will consider this a win,’ Caleb intoned, sotto voce.

‘I think you’re probably right,’ Fjord sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

‘It feels,’ Caleb hesitated for a moment, ‘it feels like this is just for us, right now. I am- I am not so well-versed in matters of romance, and I do not wish to subject this thing, whatever this is we are doing, to the scrutiny of the group, however well-meaning they are, at least for now.’

Fjord looked at him for a long moment, eyes inscrutable, then smiled, a little wistfully.

‘I know what you mean. I value all of our friends immensely, but they are not the most tactful. I would like to see where this goes without the, ah, meddling influence.’

‘Should we keep this under wraps for the time being, then?’

‘I think that would be sensible. I think, in fact, that while we were out here you cast a little identify on the dregs of that potion and it turned out to be sugar water,’ Fjord raised an eyebrow. Caleb caught his drift quickly, a cunning gleam in his eye.

‘Ja, it is a shame that Nott picked up a fake and caused such a fuss over it, but perhaps it will teach her not to use pilfered potions on her friends in the future.’

‘It’s a good thing we were able to clear up the confusion, after all, it would have been really awkward if you’d had to let me down gently.’

‘I would not have liked that one bit. Good thing too, that the night air helped clear up your indigestion from the sugary wine.’

‘It is a good thing, at that.’

‘A simple misunderstanding between friends, then. A cautionary tale against intra-party pranks.’

‘Naturally. Shall we head back in?’ Fjord inclined his head towards the door with a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrows, and Caleb nodded back, lips curling with mirth.

As Fjord reached for the door handle, he quickly caught Caleb’s fingers with his other hand and stroked his thumb across Caleb’s knuckles. Then the contact was gone, all too fast, as Fjord pushed the door open and walked in, face suddenly solemn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to drop me a comment with your thoughts. They don't even have to be related to this fic, I just crave the seratonin boost of a 'somebody commented on your story' email. 
> 
> Love you x


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damage control is attempted, and Caleb has some doubts.

The room immediately quietened as Fjord stepped inside, Caleb following closely behind. Everyone turned to look at them, a sea of guilty faces, greedy for an update on the drama at hand. 

It seemed strange to Caleb that he could be standing so close to Fjord, to the man who, just minutes ago, had had his tongue down Caleb’s throat, his hands all over Caleb’s body, and be unable to reach out and touch him. It felt almost as though he were shaking off a spell that had altered his mind as he allowed himself a moment to adjust to the reality where all his gawking friends were sitting in front of him, waiting with baited breath to pry into his private affairs. He loved them dearly, but he did not entrust them with something that felt so new and fragile as this.

How strange to have something so precious at his fingertips, something so easily crushed by his clumsy, cruel hands. And to be so selfish as to keep it close to his chest, to keep it for himself. To have even allowed himself to reach for it in the first place.

All his instincts were screaming at him, but they were quietened by the memory of Fjord’s lips, feather soft against his own. And Fjord’s hands, tethering him to something solid and real and warm.

He could be selfish a little longer, perhaps.

‘Nott,’ Caleb said at last, in a stern tone of voice, as he stepped past Fjord to look his friend in the eye, ‘You are very lucky that the potion you gave Fjord was a fake. I examined it myself and that bottle did not contain anything magic.’

‘What a rip off,’ Nott grumbled, throwing her hands up in the air.

‘I do not think it counts as a rip off if you stole it, Nott the Brave,’ Caleb tried to maintain his stern face, but he was sure it softened a little at her antics.

‘We are so, so sorry, Fjord, aren’t we Nott?’ Jester babbled, leaping to her feet and running over to take Fjord’s hands.

‘I suppose,’ Nott rolled her eyes.

‘We are _so_ , so sorry. I was just caught up in the moment, I didn’t mean to imply anything, unless-,’ Jester’s eyes narrowed and her tone turned suggestive as her eyes darted between Caleb and Fjord, ‘there was something to imply after all?’ Her eyebrows bounced up and down.

‘No, Jester,’ Fjord said loudly with a sigh, ‘there was nothing to imply. I was freaked out by the idea that you put a random potion in my wine.’ He emphasised the last four words, looking Jester dead in the eye and shaking her hands up and down.

‘Oh yah, that was a stupid thing to do, Fjord, I’m really very sorry. Will you forgive us?’ She batted her eyelashes at him.

‘Of course, Jester. Just, don’t do it again.’

‘No, of course not, I would _never_.’

Fjord just sighed.

***

After the anticlimactic resolution to the evening, things calmed down pretty quickly, and the party gathered together their blankets and bedrolls in a big sprawling pile in the middle of Reani’s den. Most of the group that had been drinking wine passed out pretty quickly, and Caduceus and Jester followed suit after murmuring prayers to their respective gods.

Caleb found it difficult to wind down that night as he lay in his bedroll, staring at Reani’s ceiling.

Maybe it was silly to think that he and Fjord would be able to maintain this thing that they had set into motion, but a traitorous part of Caleb’s brain kept playing the sound of Fjord’s hitched breath in his ears, and short-circuiting his critical thinking.

Perhaps he would have been better able to talk himself down from this if it had happened earlier in their acquaintance, for there was no denying that Caleb’s basest animal instincts would have welcomed it for quite some time. It was no secret that Fjord was noble and charismatic and, ah, easy on the eyes.

But at that point Caleb was still uncertain as to whether the group would last beyond any given setback. It had seemed so fragile that to risk it on a fling would be irresponsible at best. Now they had weathered so much it seemed unfathomable that they would crumble from even the toughest of blows. And a lot of that, Caleb secretly thought, was down to Fjord. Fjord, who had held his gaze and agreed to make it work. Fjord, who accepted Caleb’s past with barely a flinch. Fjord, who severed ties with a being of immense power, with only the promise of the group to catch him when he fell from his puppet strings.

If he was honest with himself, it was not that this thing with Fjord was fragile. That was not what worried him. It was that Fjord was so, so solid. So dependable. So tangible and real. And Caleb could reach out and touch him. He could reach out and draw him closer and kiss him like a wave breaking against a cliff. Fjord was not a ghost whom he could only touch in his dreams, not a memory, or a fantasy of someone he cared about. He was not beyond the reach of Caleb’s collateral damage. He was someone Caleb could hurt.

Fjord knew this. He knew that Caleb was volatile, was dangerous, and yet-

And yet.

That damned potion.

Fjord hadn’t changed the way he looked at Caleb, not once, that entire night.

Caleb let out a shaky breath and tossed aside his covers, padding softly towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

When, after a few minutes, the kitchen door swung gently open, Caleb was not surprised. And when it was Fjord that stepped through, he marvelled at how inevitable it felt.

‘Can’t sleep?’ Fjord’s voice was low and rumbled through his chest. 

‘Nein, I confess I am too caught up in thoughts of earlier.’

‘Yeah, I know a little something about that,’ Fjord smiled. It was a little lopsided and self-conscious, and Caleb’s fingers itched to reach up and trace it. He clenched them.

Fjord took a step forward, the smile making way for something a little more cautious. He reached out a hand towards Caleb’s balled up fist, but stopped short, fingers hovering in the air. He drew his hand back.

‘Are they good thoughts or bad thoughts, Caleb?’ his tone sounded level, but his ragged breaths betrayed Fjord’s hesitation. ‘Tell me now if you’ve changed your mind and we’ll speak no more of it.’

Caleb tried to conjure warning thoughts of blistering fire, and hands shaped for cruelty, and the shadow of a girl. But, terrifyingly, miraculously, these images were overpowered by stronger things. By fireflies in his belly. By calloused fingers encircling his. By the solid, serious man standing in front of him. He took a deep breath and met Fjord’s eye.

‘I, ah, I am not good at this. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want it.’

Fjord exhaled, long and slow, and Caleb watched his chest deflate. He reached out a tentative hand and placed it on Fjord’s sternum, because he could. Fjord’s hand came up to cover it. Warm and real.

‘You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that.’

‘Oh, I think I have some idea,’ Caleb smiled shakily, stepping closer.

Fjord wrapped his arms around Caleb’s waist and drew Caleb closer to him until their faces were inches apart.

‘Forgive me this moment of weakness,’ Caleb began, ‘but I have to ask you something.’

‘Anything.’ Fjord’s golden eyes were so open and honest that Caleb almost turned away from them as one would from the sun. Almost.

‘Why me?’

Fjord huffed an incredulous laugh, and brought a hand up to cup Caleb’s jaw.

‘I have been in awe of you since the day we met, and everything you have done since then has only built on that foundation,’ Fjord tilted Caleb’s lips closer to his own until Caleb could feel Fjord’s breath with every word, ‘You’re a force of nature, Caleb Widogast. A wildfire. How could it not be you?’

He sounded so sincere, so confused by Caleb’s doubt, that before he knew what he was doing Caleb closed the distance between them, rough, uncoordinated, and eager.

Fjord laughed against Caleb’s lips and returned the gesture with equal enthusiasm, licking his way into Caleb’s mouth.

And this, this was worth the risk. Fjord could handle himself, he had proved time and time again that he knew what Caleb was capable of. If anyone knew the risks, it was Fjord. Caleb clutched at the fabric of Fjord’s shirt with needy hands, drawing him in.

Careful not to break the kiss, Caleb spun them around, stumbling a little, until Fjord was backed against the kitchen wall where Caleb could kiss him more thoroughly, with a heat that left them gasping.

‘I take it I said the right thing?’ Fjord murmured, breathlessly, when Caleb came up for air.

Caleb hummed in acknowledgement as he began to unfasten the laces of Fjord’s shirt, kissing his way down the exposed skin of his chest, revelling in the vibration from Fjord’s delighted chuckles. Fjord’s hands tightened at Caleb’s waist, and his head thumped backwards against the wall.

‘Fuck, Caleb.’

‘Oh, if you insist,’ Caleb reached for Fjord’s belt.

There was a thump from the other room.

‘Ah, scheisse,’ Caleb snatched his hands away from Fjord and Fjord hurriedly tucked the front of his shirt back into his trousers.

They stood silently for a moment, listening, but no more sounds emerged.

‘Perhaps that is a sign that we should, _ahem_ , resume this activity at another time. In a more appropriate venue.’ Fjord looked sheepish, but there was a boyishness to his lopsided smile that made Caleb’s chest feel warm. 

‘To be continued?’ Caleb asked, softly, scooping up Fjord’s hand in his own.

‘Yes, definitely.’ Fjord said, emphatically, squeezing Caleb’s fingers.

‘Ok, gut.’ Caleb’s breath was shaky. He turned towards the door into the den, but Fjord caught him before he could go.

‘Hey,’ Fjord murmured. And leant over to kiss Caleb softly and soundly. ‘You go ahead, I’ll follow behind in a minute.’

‘Ok,’ Caleb kissed him again, carefully, squarely.

‘Mmm,’ Fjord hummed against Caleb’s kiss, ‘stop that or I won’t let you go.’

‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’

Caleb dropped another quick kiss on Fjord’s lips before stepping away in the direction of the door, only dropping Fjord’s hand when they were too far apart to hold on.

‘To be continued,’ he whispered, slipping out of the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many ill-advised and not-very-sneaky places will Caleb and Fjord make-out in? The answer is yes.
> 
> You know the drill, let me know your thoughts, help make the lack of sleep and far too much time and energy I've put into this nonsense worthwhile! If you're really nice I'll drop the next chapter asap ;)
> 
> As always,  
> love you x  
> (especially those of you who left such lovely comments, you truly made my heart all rosy-hued and effervescent)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb and Fjord steal some moments while travelling to the Cinderrest Sanctum.

It was difficult, finding moments alone while they were travelling to the kiln, but Caleb and Fjord took what they could. Sometimes, after Caleb finished casting his dome spell, Fjord would slip inside while the others were still tying up their mounts and stretching out for the day. He could time it perfectly, so that when Caleb opened his eyes for the first time after completing the incantation, there Fjord’s face was, inches from his own, close enough that he barely had to lean forwards in order to meet those lips for a few frantic, honeyed moments. A bruising promise of more to come, but not yet, not now. And taken from him all too soon as the others approached and Fjord scrambled away to unpack his bedroll, nonchalant and cool, even as Caleb knew his heart was pounding as much as Caleb’s own, his lips felt the chill of their parting as much as Caleb’s, and his breaths felt shallow and insufficient without the breath of another close by, like Caleb’s.

Sometimes when they were feeling especially bold, they would volunteer to take watch together, dragging their bed rolls until they were almost touching, almost one. And when the others were asleep, their eyelids fluttering, their breathing long and slow, they could see each other’s eyes in the dim moonlight glow and the reflection from Reani’s halo, and clasp each other’s hands, faces, waists. They could laugh softly to each other about the antics of the day, and murmur headily about what they might get up to once they returned to the Xhorhaus. Forgetting briefly for these tranquil hours that there were stakes higher than where and how they might find time to spend alone, together. Stealing kisses until the next watch began to stir. Then sleeping side by side, inches apart, knowing they could reach out and touch each other at any point, but not wanting to risk waking up in a tangle of limbs to a gawking crowd.

On one particular occasion, the group stopped to take a break at approximately midday, or ‘twelve seventeen,’ as Caleb informed them, absentmindedly. In amongst the light-hearted teasing and eye rolls that followed his interjection, Caleb spotted Fjord grinning softly to himself, and it made the fireflies in Caleb’s belly glow.

While Nott and Beau chased each other up a tree (with Reani and Jester cheering them on) and Caduceus started chatting to the goats, Caleb felt a light tug on his elbow. Turning, he saw Fjord smiling down at him.

‘I wanted to talk to you about, _ahem_ , that book you gave me,’ he said, in an almost formal tone of voice, very carefully clear of emotion and at a regular, easily overheard volume.

‘Ah yes, the book,’ Caleb replied, similarly, lips quirking, ‘let us go and discuss it somewhere more quiet.’

They traipsed away from the rest of the group, leaving a trail in the snow, which unfortunately couldn’t be helped, until they ducked behind another tree a small way away. Caleb snapped Frumpkin into being and quietly asked him to keep a look out for any dangers, or any of their friends approaching.

As soon as Frumpkin wandered away, Fjord pressed Caleb against the tree trunk, calloused hands creeping inside Caleb’s heavy winter coat, warm lips kissing away the chill along Caleb’s jawline as Fjord’s breath tickled his skin.

‘Hi, Fjord,’ Caleb whispered, breathlessly.

‘Hi, Caleb,’ Fjord mumbled into the crook of Caleb’s neck.

‘Come up here and kiss me properly,’ Caleb breathed.

Fjord obliged, at first open-mouthed and lazy, then more deliberate and slow, memorising the corners of Caleb’s mouth with all the precision and thoroughness of a cartographer. Caleb flicked his tongue over Fjord’s tusk and was greeted with a hitch in Fjord’s breath.

‘I like these,’ Caleb murmured against Fjord’s mouth, ‘I like them a lot.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Ja.’

Fjord caught Caleb’s lower lip between tooth and tusk and pulled away slowly.

‘That was rude,’ Caleb laughed, ‘do it again.’

‘Maybe I will, maybe I won’t,’ Fjord teased, kissing down Caleb’s neck and burying his face in Caleb’s clavicle. ‘Damn these winter clothes.’ His breath tickled Caleb’s skin and Caleb laughed, bright and clear.

Fjord pulled back, making shushing sounds, eyes shining with mirth. Caleb buried his head in Fjord’s chest to stifle his own laughter and he could feel the rumbling of Fjord’s chuckle.

‘What in the hells are you two up to, is that book full of dirty pictures or something?’

At the sound of Beau’s voice and approaching footsteps, Caleb and Fjord straightened themselves up, smoothing out the wrinkles in their clothes, Caleb fastening his coat up tightly. They stepped back around the tree, Fjord waving awkwardly as Beau stopped in front of them, frowning.

‘The arcane arts are full of humour if you know where to look, Beauregard,’ Caleb smiled, trying his best to look cool and collected.

‘Yuh-huh,’ Beau replied, unconvinced. ‘Well, we’re going to get a move on soon if you wanna come and sort out your shit.’

‘Thank you for the heads up, Beau. We got a little caught up in our studying.’ Fjord coughed lightly, fist over his mouth, covering his discomfort.

‘I can see that, given the fact that you’re not holding any books right now.’ Beau raised an eyebrow. ‘I don’t know what you assholes are scheming, but I don’t trust it for a second,’ she called over her shoulder as she turned on her heel and began walking back towards the others.

Fjord and Caleb stared at each other, wide-eyed for a second, before dissolving into laughter once more.

‘I think perhaps we should be a little more cautious, going forwards,’ Caleb said once the hysteria had subsided a little.

‘Unfortunately, I think you’re right.’ Fjord gave the tree a little wistful look.

‘That was very nice, though,’ Caleb added out of the corner of his mouth as they walked closer to the group.

Fjord gave him a quick grin that was equal parts bashful and wicked.

They were more careful for the remainder of the journey: no surreptitious trysts where and when they could be easily observed (which was practically everywhere and at all times). As a result, Caleb found his hands itching with want whenever Fjord was within reach. He clenched them tightly in his pockets and had to content himself with letting his eyes brush over every inch of Fjord that his hands couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a baby chapter, so I'll drop another one shortly. 
> 
> Anyone else find ending an author's note really awkward? It's like the dilemma of signing off an email, but less formal. 
> 
> Warm regards,  
> so_it_shines 
> 
> ps. love you x


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nein return to the Xhorhaus, and Fjord finds his way to Caleb's bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's get a little spicy ;)

The culmination of their pilgrimage to the Cinderrest Sanctum was a whirlwind of emotions: Caleb checking in on Nott and realising just how deeply she had slipped into her addiction and how much she relied on it; the frenetic, driving energy of Umagorn as he worked hard to re-forge the sword; Reani and Beau’s drunken escapades…

That night Caleb had watched as Fjord stepped outside to meditate, and, as much as he longed to slip out after him, he knew that this was something Fjord was trying to solve for himself. Caleb just had to trust that Fjord would come to him in his own time. If of course Fjord wished comfort from Caleb and not from one of the others. Caleb told himself he had no right to be jealous, no right to be bitter, no right to claim propriety of Fjord. Even still, he had a hard time sleeping that night, with Fjord so far away, having not returned to the chamber with the rest of them to sleep.

By morning, when Fjord still had not returned, Caleb felt less slighted and more worried. When they found the mound of seaweed, it took everything he had not to tear into it with his bare hands. When Fjord emerged, slick with seawater, with new definition to his limbs, it was a different instinct that Caleb had to suppress.

Then all of a sudden they were transporting back to Xhorhas, and debriefing with Essek, and interrogating the volstrucker. And he was learning new spells, and transforming his friends into his worst nightmares, and they were making plans to jump again to another part of the world. It made his head spin. And through it all, he tried to keep his mind on the task at hand and avoid the urge to take Fjord by the hand and drag him into the nearest nook, and bury his face in that comforting, rumbling chest. He wanted nothing more than to feel those arms around him and for his world to shrink in size, to be simply the pair of them and their mingling breath.

But he didn’t know how to convey any of that in a way that seemed anything less than desperate and pathetic, so he retired to his room for the night and began the process of warding it.

He didn’t even manage to unspool his thread before there came a knock at his door.

‘Ja, who is it?’ he called out softly.

‘It’s me,’ came Fjord’s voice, just as soft, muffled by the wood panel between them.

Caleb took a breath and gently, quietly cracked open the door to allow Fjord to slip through.

No sooner had he closed the door back over than Fjord’s arms encircled him and pressed him up against it.

‘Hallo, stranger,’ Caleb smiled a little shakily.

Fjord looked somewhat abashed.

‘I know, I’m sorry, I’m still getting used to it as well,’ the look on Fjord’s face was begging forgiveness, for what, Caleb wasn’t sure.

At Caleb’s questioning look, Fjord glanced down at one of his own arms and Caleb understood. He placed a hand on one of Fjord’s biceps and traced a pattern with his fingertips, smiling with comprehension.

‘Oh nein, Fjord, I have no problems with this, in fact, I like it very much.’

Fjord exhaled.

‘Oh, that’s good,’ his face smoothed from relief.

‘I am very pleased for you and your new path. I was merely referring to the fact that it has been too long since we have been able to do this.’ With that Caleb tilted his head upwards to press his lips soundly to Fjord’s. The resulting hitch in Fjord’s breath was very gratifying.

They stood like that for a while, slowly reacquainting themselves with the particulars of each other’s mouths, and hands, and faces.

After a small eternity, Fjord pulled back slightly to whisper, ‘are you doing alright, Caleb?’

‘Hmm?’ Caleb was a little distracted, and it took a moment to break through the nice haze he had cultivated in his mind.

‘After everything that happened, the seeming spell, I-, _ahem_ , are you holding up ok?’ Fjord’s eyes were achingly soft as he held Caleb’s gaze.

‘You know me, Fjord, I’m a trooper.’

‘Don’t dodge the question, Caleb, please. I think we owe each other more than that.’

‘Oh alright,’ Caleb whispered, steeling himself with a breath, ‘I am holding up very poorly. I feel as though my bones are vibrating fast enough that I might combust. But I will survive this, too. I always do.’

‘You don’t have to do it alone,’ Fjord’s words were muffled as he pressed a kiss to Caleb’s forehead, pulling Caleb’s face into his chest and wrapping him up in his arms.

‘I know. Thank you, Fjord.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘You are already doing more than you can know,’ Caleb leaned backwards to look Fjord square in the face. ‘But I would appreciate a more, ah, thorough distraction, if that is on the cards?’

Caleb could pinpoint the moment the penny dropped in Fjord’s eyes.

‘I think that could be arranged.’ Fjord smiled a slow, warm, wondrous smile.

‘Then sweep me off my feet with those big, strong arms, Mr Paladin,’ Caleb smiled back, a little teasing, a lot encouraging.

Caleb pushed on Fjord’s chest and sent them stumbling in the direction of the bed, plucking at the lacing on Fjord’s shirt at they went. Fjord gave him a hand and shucked off the shirt, discarding it on the floor in their wake. As Caleb was distracted running his hands down Fjord’s newly muscular torso, fingers dancing, greedily reading the topography of Fjord’s skin like braille, Fjord caught Caleb under the thighs and lifted him up in one swift motion, Caleb automatically bracing his legs around Fjord for stability.

‘Ok, that was impressive,’ Caleb laughed, his arms clinging around Fjord’s neck, his mouth targeting Fjord’s temple and trailing down towards his jaw.

Fjord stumbled slightly under Caleb’s weight and carried him the last few steps before they went crashing down onto the bed, Caleb flat on his back, Fjord bracing himself to avoid knocking their foreheads together.

‘Ja, I am definitely a fan of this new physique,’ Caleb looked Fjord dead in the eyes, a teasing smile tugging at the corner of his lips, ‘perhaps you can give me a demonstration? Ensure everything is in full working order?’

‘Oh I can assure you, it is,’ Fjord flushed as he said the words, then slid his hands under the hem of Caleb’s shirt and peeled it up and over Caleb’s head. ‘Finally,’ he grumbled, ‘your damn clothes have been getting in my way for too long. Fuck this shirt,’ Fjord tossed the offending item across the room, and grinned as Caleb laughed brightly.

‘I love that sound,’ Fjord’s words here were muffled as he spoke into Caleb’s neck before trailing kisses further and further down Caleb’s torso. As Fjord curled his fingers around the waistband of Caleb’s trousers, Caleb’s breath hitched. ‘That one’s even better.’

The words tickled Caleb’s skin as Fjord’s breath warmed the spot below Caleb’s navel where he could feel the fireflies begin to glow in his belly again. As Fjord began to fumble with Caleb’s belt, Caleb allowed himself to lie back and let that glow fill him up, let it cloud his mind with thoughts of Fjord, and the touch of Fjord’s hands, and Fjord’s mouth.

For a while, at least, the world began and ended at the edges of that bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There should be a word for horny but in, like, a sappy way. Horny but soft. Sorny. Hoft. Neither of those because they're fucking awful. I'm real sleepy, you guys. 
> 
> Leave me your thoughts and prayers in the comments. 
> 
> Love you (in a soft, sexy way) x


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before.

The morning broke in the typical Xhorhasian fashion, without fanfare and without sunrise. When Caleb came to, it was to the warm weight of limbs tangled around his own, to the familiar sound of Fjord’s breathing, and the familiar puffs of warm air in the crook of his neck. A bubble of the previous evening’s glow resurfaced in Caleb’s chest, and he felt a little lightheaded and a little short of breath at the recollection.

Reluctantly, Caleb disentangled himself from Fjord, lit a few candles, and began to collect his discarded clothes from the floor, casting a few small bursts of prestidigitation on them to remove the creases.

‘Come back to bed, Caleb,’ Fjord’s voice was muffled by the pillow and still heavy from sleep. He had rolled over onto the warm patch Caleb had left in his wake, and Caleb stood for a moment in the dim candlelight with what must have been an incredibly dopey smile on his face.

He padded back over to the bed and clambered on top of Fjord, only blankets between them, pushing the hair back from Fjord’s forehead and carefully placing a kiss on his sleep-warmed skin. Fjord freed one arm from under the covers and hooked it around Caleb’s neck, trying to tug him back down. Laughing, Caleb gave in and slid down beside Fjord so that they were nose to nose.

‘We have to get up eventually, the others will be awakening soon if they are not already, and they will wonder why you spent the night in my bedroom.’

‘Let them wonder. Let’s just stay here all day.’

‘I would like that very much, but sadly we have other demands upon our attention.’

Caleb cupped Fjord’s jaw with one hand and kissed him soundly on the lips. And again for good measure.

‘Last night was…’ Fjord trailed off before letting out a low whistle.

‘Ja,’ Caleb laughed, ‘it was.’

‘Let’s do that again soon.’

‘Oh, most definitely.’

‘Good. Let’s do that again now.’

Caleb laughed again.

‘I wish we could, but I have to transport us all to Nicodranas very soon, so you had better get up and sneak out of this room before someone comes looking for us.’

‘Only for you, Caleb,’ Fjord grumbled, stretching and sliding out from under the sheets. Caleb watched, smiling to himself, as Fjord collected his clothes from the ground and slid them back on.

Fjord made a move towards the door, then, thinking better of it, strode over to Caleb and kissed him very deliberately, slow and firm, sliding his tongue against Caleb’s. Caleb kissed him back readily, finding their familiar rhythm. Then Fjord pulled away with a wistful smile.

‘See you at breakfast, Caleb.’

And then, with the slightest swish and click of the door, he was gone.

***

‘Where were you this morning?’

Fjord choked a little on his bacon.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I knocked on your door to see if you wanted to come exercise with me and you weren’t there,’ Beau was looking at him with arms folded and one eyebrow raised.

‘Oh, err, I was out for a jog, actually.’

‘Well, shit, dude, you should have woken me and I’d have joined you. I thought we were workout buddies,’ she looked a little miffed, but it seemed like she accepted the excuse at face value.

‘Well, sometimes I like to exercise on my own, clear my mind, decompress, you know how it is.’

‘I suppose,’ Beau rolled her eyes and snatched a piece of bacon from Fjord’s plate.

He made a token protest, but was mostly relieved that she seemed to be dropping the subject.

Jester dropped into another seat with a loaded plate.

‘You know, come to think of it, I don’t think I heard Fjord leave his room at all this morning, and I was up pretty early feeding Sprinkle and talking to the Traveller,’ Jester said with a thoughtful expression on her face as she chewed.

‘Ah, well, I must have been pretty quiet, because that’s what happened, Jester.’ Fjord rubbed the back of his neck.

‘Hmm, no I think I would’ve heard, I’m pretty perceptive you know.’

‘Yes, but if you were caught up in a conversation with the traveller, perhaps you weren’t paying close enough attention. Besides, I’m not sure why this is such a big deal,’ Fjord went back to prodding the bacon on his plate, heart pounding a little as Jester peered at him.

‘Hmm, I suppose,’ she looked doubtful.

‘Unless,’ Beau chimed in, ‘he’s been having a secret affair with someone in the city, and that’s why you were out all night!’ She seemed to be warming to the task of making Fjord squirm.

‘I’m not having a secret affair with someone in the city, Beauregard. For one thing, when have I had the time to meet anyone? And for another, surely you would hear the door chimes as I snuck in and out?’

‘I suppose that’s all true,’ Beau withered for a moment, then stiffened, her eyes narrowing, ‘so why, then, didn’t we hear the door chimes as you left and came back from your jog? Hmm? Answer the question, Fjord!’ She jabbed in his direction with her fork and he batted it away, irritated.

‘Careful, you’ll poke someone’s eye out with that thing.’

‘Jester will heal you, it’s fine,’ Beau waved her other hand flippantly as Jester nodded, encouragingly, ‘the facts are these. You have a history of secret affairs-‘

‘The thing with Avantika was hardly a secret-‘

‘Stop interrupting me.’ She swatted him with the fork, ‘You have a history of secret affairs, you weren’t in your bedroom this morning, and Jester didn’t hear you leave for your alleged jog. All this implies that you were out all night debauching it up. Ergo, you must have left out the window.’

‘I would’ve heard if he climbed through the window, Beau,’ Jester said, rolling her eyes.

‘Huh, ok, then he must be conducting his secret affair inside the house!’

‘Who is having a secret affair, Beauregard?’ Caleb enquired as he entered the kitchen.

‘Fjord,’ Beau responded, without missing a beat.

‘Ah,’ Caleb replied, eyes twinkling dangerously.

Fjord groaned and sank his head in his hands.

‘That sounds like an admission of guilt to me!’ Beau crowed, triumphantly.

‘But who is he having a secret affair with, and how did he get them in and out of the house without us noticing, Beau?’ Jester queried.

‘I don’t have all the facts, what do you take me for, some kinda fancy detective? That’s you and Nott.’

‘No, I take you for an expositor of the Cobalt Soul,’ Jester’s voice was teasing.

‘Ugh, yeah, but I’m new at it.’

Fjord peeked out through his fingers and saw that Caleb had taken a seat on his other side, and was slowly and methodically making his way through his breakfast. There was a spark behind Caleb’s eyes that made Fjord nervous.

‘I think you are missing the obvious answer here, Beauregard,’ Caleb intoned mildly, ‘that if Fjord is conducting a secret affair inside the Xhorhaus without anyone sneaking in or out, then the affair must be with someone already living in this house.’

Fjord pulled his hands away from his face to give Caleb a look that he hoped conveyed the sentiment, ‘ _what the actual fuck, Widogast_.’

He received a shit-eating grin in response.

‘Oh shit!’ Beau flailed, Fjord ducking to avoid her fork attack, ‘you’re right. Who could it be? It’s not me or you, Jester-‘

‘Nu-uh,’ Jester chimed in.

‘And it can’t be Nott, because she’s married. So it’s either Caleb, Caduceus, or-’ A look of horror dawned on Beau’s face, ‘please tell me you’re not having a secret affair with Dairon.’

‘I’m not having a secret affair with Dairon.’

‘Thank the gods, because that would be horrifying. So who is it?’

‘Beau-,’ Fjord began, before Caleb cut him off.

‘It’s all a moot point, Beauregard, because Fjord was with me last night.’

Fjord spluttered. Beau dropped her fork. Jester squeaked and covered her mouth with her hands.

‘Ja,’ Caleb continued mildly, ‘we were discussing that book in the study late into the small hours of the morning, and when Fjord fell asleep in his chair I didn’t want to wake him, so I gave him a blanket and let him sleep. He probably didn’t tell you because he was embarrassed to be seen as a nerd.’

‘Oh, that makes sense,’ Beau picked up her fork, looking disappointed at the mundane explanation. ‘I wish you two were having a secret affair, it would be way more interesting than your stupid book that you won’t let me read. Might help our captain here get rid of the stick up his ass, too.’ She paused for a moment, reconsidering her words, ‘or I guess it would give him a new stick up his ass to worry about,’ she snorted at her own joke.

‘Or perhaps put his stick up someone else’s ass, as the case may be,’ Caleb contributed, helpfully, ‘let us not make assumptions as to my preferences in bed, Beauregard.’ Fjord glared at him and was treated to a wink.

‘Caleb Widogast!’ Beau gasped, looking delighted, ‘you are a dirty man.’

‘So they tell me.’

Fjord slammed his head back down onto the table. His mood improved, but only a little, when he felt Caleb’s foot bump surreptitiously against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think! (Gentle reminder that it takes less time to write a comment than it does to write a 16,000+ word story, and the only gratification fic writers get is people engaging with their work! If anything in this story isn't working, let me know, because it'll only continue in the exact same way without feedback.)
> 
> Love you (unrequitedly) x


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord ponders his current situation on a balcony in Nicodranas.

The Nein teleported their way to Nicodranas with their usual lack of tact, attempting to con Yussa into thinking they had alerted him before their arrival, and then meandering their way back to the Lavish Chateau just before dawn rose over the coastal city.

It was practically a whirlwind stop as they holed up in a spare room to wait out the last few early hours of the morning before they could meet with Jester’s mother in the breakfast room. As Jester scryed on Yasha, describing the horrors that she saw befall the Cobalt Soul in Zadash, Fjord couldn’t help himself from sliding his hand across the floor in increments until his little finger bumped against Caleb’s. Even without looking, Fjord could tell that Caleb was seeking out comfort as well, and they sat like that, their fingers pressed together from knuckle to nail, semi-obscured from the rest of the group, drawing strength from each other’s proximity. It was all Fjord could do to not entwine his fingers with Caleb’s and squeeze until both their hands were white and numb.

Then they all shifted restlessly to discuss what Jester had seen, and some of the group stood up to begin pacing, and reluctantly, Fjord drew his hand back from Caleb’s, the severance of touch causing his heart to clench.

After they had talked themselves in circles for a while, Fjord excused himself out to the balcony of the room to watch the sun come up and breathe in the salty air. It tasted different on his tongue now, less heavy, less acidic. It still conjured memories of shipwrecks and explosions, and of squeezing, writhing tendrils, and of the air forced from his lungs, but these felt less prominent in his mind now that he wielded the Star Razor. The scent of seaweed carried through the air, and the chatter of gulls. He clasped the balcony’s edge with both hands and took a series of steadying breaths, marvelling at how much more planted and present he felt at his core. He would be harder to knock down, harder to consume.

Nothing was certain anymore, that was the only thing Fjord could say with any degree of assuredness. They were fumbling their way in the dark, trying to catch the wraith of a friend who Fjord wasn’t entirely sure even wanted to be saved. They were haemorrhaging, losing friends at a rate that tugged something dark in the pit of his belly, something that wanted to hold on to them all and refuse to let go.

But he had to trust in them. To trust that they would take his hand even as he offered it.

He had started this journey with no-one, and now he had so many to lose. A brother under a new goddess, a first mate, a-

A scar on his hand. The sense-memory of hands in his hair, of lips on his own.

A Caleb.

That sure was something. A scary something. A wonderful, marvellous something. A something to cling to and a something to lose.

Fjord thought of Vandran, who meant more to Fjord than Fjord evidently meant to him. He thought of Avantika, who used him as a means to an end even as Fjord clung to her as the only lead in solving his nightmare. And of Caleb.

Caleb, who made the first move. Who made it clear that he chose Fjord, wanted Fjord, perhaps even needed Fjord. Caleb, whom Fjord had given so many outs, so many chances to say thanks, but no thanks. To prove that Fjord meant less to him than he did to Fjord. Caleb, who asked for more, and more, and more. Who gave and took in equal measure. Who wanted Fjord’s touch, his attention, his desire, and repaid it in equal measure.

It was… unexpected. It was overwhelming. It was exhilarating.

It was a pearl forming behind the shell of closed doors, and already it was worth so much more to Fjord than he could stand to lose.

‘Penny for your thoughts,’ the familiar Zemnian accent came floating through on the breeze as Caleb slipped past the curtain and through the open glass door onto the balcony.

‘Would it be too cliché if I said they were about you?’ The words felt risky, and yet, insufficient.

‘Luckily for you, I appreciate a good cliché.’

‘Then, my thoughts were about you.’

Caleb stepped up to the balcony’s edge and joined Fjord, knocking elbows with him, looking out towards the ocean.

‘It is a beautiful sunrise.’

‘It certainly is,’ Fjord smiled a small smile to himself as he snuck a glance out of the corner of his eye, seeing how the ascending sun caught the edges of Caleb’s hair and set them aflame.

‘Good thoughts or bad thoughts?’ Fjord could hear the way Caleb’s lips curled upwards at the call-back.

‘Good thoughts. Always good.’

‘Hard to believe that only a matter of hours ago I had you in my bed,’ Caleb murmured, the words barely voiced, barely audible, except to Fjord whose head was bowed towards Caleb’s.

‘Now that’s a very good thought,’ Fjord smiled, angling his body so that the space between them on the balcony was obscured from view and, sliding his hand over the top of Caleb’s, interlacing their fingers.

‘For the record, a part of me climbed back into that bed with you and never left,’ Caleb whispered this into Fjord’s ear, breath tickling the inside of his ear canal and causing him to shiver in the lazy warmth of the dawn.

‘Which part?’ Fjord turned his head to meet Caleb’s eye, voice light and teasing even as his heart skipped like a stone.

‘Oh, you are a clever man, I think you can figure it out,’ Caleb’s eyes were twinkling, ‘I will give you a hint, though, it is not the part you are thinking of. Though, I will not dissuade you from thinking of such parts, as that would be counterproductive.’

‘I should have known better than to expect a straight answer from you, Widogast.’ It was taking all of Fjord’s self-control not to close the distance between them, not to lift his free hand up to Caleb’s face and brush away the lock of hair that was tickling Caleb’s nose.

‘That is just part of my charm, though, ja?’ Caleb quirked an eyebrow.

‘Amongst other things.’

‘If I were a crueller man I would ask that you list those things for me.’

‘Do not tempt me. If we did not risk an audience at a moment’s notice, I would extoll your virtues one by one,’ Fjord leaned in to whisper in Caleb’s ear, ‘in descending order.’ He was rewarded by a shaky inhale from Caleb, and the feeling of his hand clenching the railing tighter, tendons tensing under Fjord’s grasp.

‘Wowee, Fjord, you are,’ Caleb took another shuddering breath in, ‘a revelation. I confess I thought I was content to go without intimacy, as it had been such a long time, but it is taking every ounce of my self-control not to beg you to throw me over the nearest surface and damn the consequences.’

Fjord huffed with laughter and bowed his head, shaking it slightly.

‘You say such glorious things, Caleb. I must be dreaming still.’

‘As your dreams are often of balls and swallowing swords, I can see how you might be confused.’

Fjord spluttered.

‘Caleb!’

‘What did I say,’ Caleb’s face looked innocent but the spark behind his eyes betrayed him.

‘What have I gotten myself into?’ Fjord murmured as he met those whirlpool eyes that he had somehow gained the privilege of gazing into.

‘Something good, I hope,’ Caleb’s voice softened in a way that made Fjord’s heart ache. ‘In amongst everything else that is going on, I think this is something good.’

‘Me too, Caleb. Me too.’

At that moment there was a flurry of sounds from inside the room, indicating that someone had gotten up, and then promptly tripped over someone else.

Fjord and Caleb startled.

‘Well, the peace was nice while it lasted,’ Caleb sighed wistfully. He glanced towards the curtain, which still obscured most of the view into the room, and, quick as a flash, he ducked his head down and placed a kiss on Fjord’s knuckles. Then slid his hand out from underneath Fjord’s and stepped away.

‘If I do not go back in there right now, I will be tempted to stay out here forever,’ Caleb whispered, before ducking back inside the curtain.

Fjord looked down at his hand, clenching it once and unclenching, chuckling a little to himself.

Something good, indeed. Something miraculous.

Something his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think!
> 
> Love you x


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Campfires, conversations, and cats, oh my!

The first leg of their journey to Zadash, the stretch of road between Nicodranas and Trostenwald, passed mostly in a blur of cantering, brief rests, and stress. Caleb and Fjord spent their time exchanging wistful glances across the dome as they bedded down for the night and, heeding their previous commitment to caution on the road to Kraveraad, avoiding any sneaky trysts. They were tired and drawn and unable to muster the energy for shenanigans, and Fjord found himself wishing more than anything that he could wrap his arms around Caleb on the side of the road when he looked done in. That he could kiss the lines of tension from Caleb’s face when they sat down to eat. That he could bury his nose in Caleb’s neck, wrapped under their utilitarian bedrolls, and draw upon his warmth.

Gods above, one night in Caleb’s bed had ruined all other forms of rest for Fjord. It was made all the worse due to the terrible, wonderful fact that he could now pick out the unique frequency of Caleb’s sleeping breaths above the white noise of the group.

One particular evening, the nein set up a campfire to roast some food for their dinner, and Fjord couldn’t resist coming up behind Caleb and placing a warm, reassuring hand on his hunched shoulder as he sat down beside him.

‘Oh, hi, Fjord,’ Caleb smiled softly, a little sadly, as he closed the book he was reading and shifted on the log to make room for Fjord, adjusting Frumpkin in his lap. Fjord let his fingers brush down Caleb’s back as he took his hand away, and Caleb shivered slightly. Fjord cleared his throat.

‘Hi, Caleb. Anything interesting?’ He gestured to the book.

‘Not particularly, I am just re-familiarising myself with some spells which I have not used in a while. We cannot be too prepared going into this encounter.’

‘Yeah,’ Fjord agreed quietly, looking down at his own wringing hands.

Across the fire, Jester was describing a new mural she wanted to paint on the walls of her and Beau’s shared bedroom, and Beau voicing her vehement, expletive-laden support for the concept, which, Fjord gathered, was some kind of dick-based abstract landscape.

Caduceus was sitting on the next log over from Fjord, humming to himself and turning a spit laden with mushrooms, onions, and some kind of root vegetable. The smells were intoxicating and earthy, causing Fjord’s mouth to water.

‘Caleb, come and take a look at this, I call it my bola arrow,’ Nott announced proudly from a little ways away from the fire.

‘Coming, Nott the Brave,’ Caleb smiled, sliding his book under his arm and turfing Frumpkin from his lap with an apologetic look. ‘Go bother Fjord for a little while.’ He nudged Frumpkin with his foot and the cat sprung onto Fjord’s lap, back arching, kneading into Fjord’s trousers with his little nubby claws.

‘Ah, hello Frumpkin,’ Fjord placed a tentative hand on the fey-cat’s head, still unfamiliar with the etiquette surrounding cats, and smiling, pleased, as Frumpkin immediately bucked his head up into Fjord’s palm and began to purr loudly.

‘Er liebt dich, Fjord. He likes you,’ Caleb leant over to scratch Frumpkin under the chin, letting his fingers brush against the inside of Fjord’s wrist. Then he carefully stepped over the log to join Nott.

‘That is one happy cat,’ Caduceus commented, glancing over and smiling as he saw Frumpkin stretch out and settle on Fjord’s lap, still purring, still leaning into Fjord’s gentle pats.

‘Yeah?’ Fjord looked up at Caduceus with a crooked smile. ‘It took us a little while but I think we’re warming up to one another.’

‘I always wonder how much of Frumpkin’s behaviour is tied to Caleb’s own.’ Caduceus looked thoughtful. Fjord cleared his throat.

‘Probably not much at all,’ he said quickly. ‘I mean, when Caleb isn’t using him as a vessel. Right?’

‘Two creatures whose wills are that intertwined. They must rub off on each other in some way.’

Frumpkin flicked his tail against Fjord’s belly and yawned.

‘I think that was Frumpkin telling you that he is his own cat,’ Fjord laughed a tight laugh.

‘Of course you are, Mr Frumpkin, I never meant to imply otherwise.’ Caduceus addressed the cat with the same level of deference he afforded Fjord, which was delightful. Fjord chuckled as he rubbed Frumpkin’s ears.

‘Mr Fjord, if you don’t mind my saying, these past few days you have been carrying yourself with a greater ease. It’s very nice to see.’ Caduceus was looking at Fjord with a curious expression, like he was trying to read portents in the slant of Fjord’s shoulders and the curve of his hands.

‘That is thanks to you, Caduceus, and the Wildmother. I have said it before but it bears repeating, I am incredibly grateful.’

‘I’m glad to hear that, Mr Fjord, but there’s something else as well, something more concrete than spirituality. I can’t quite put my finger on it. It almost seems like, for a man so used to free falling, you have hope of a soft landing.’

‘That must be because I have a magic whip to catch me if I fall.’

‘Perhaps.’ Caduceus smiled a secret little smile, and Fjord smiled back, a little confused, and feeling strangely exposed.

‘I value your insights greatly, Caduceus, but I must confess to not understanding them a lot of the time.’

‘That’s quite alright, things have a way of making themselves clear to us when we need them to.’ Caduceus turned back to his cooking. ‘Ah, the mushrooms are ready. That’s nice.’

***

The food was excellent, as always, and Fjord sent a small, silent prayer to the Wildmother for bringing Caduceus into their lives as he finished off his portion. He still hadn’t gotten the hang of this ‘personal connection with a benevolent deity’ thing, but it felt right, so he went with the impulse.

Frumpkin hopped off his lap after a little while to take a turn around the perimeter of their camp, and Fjord felt the cold where the cat had been sitting, so he moved a little closer to the fire.

Eventually, Jester picked her way over to where he was sitting and, rearranging her skirts, skooched onto the log next to him.

‘Hiya, Fjord,’ she smiled up at him, ‘whatcha thinking? They look like _pretty_ deep thoughts.’

‘Hello, Jester,’ Fjord scratched the back of his neck and cleared his throat. ‘Honestly, I’m not thinking of much right now besides how nice this fire is.’

‘Ok, if you say so, Fjord.’ She put a little bit of disapproving emphasis on Fjord’s name as she said it as though she knew better but she wasn’t going to push it. ‘Do you want to hear about the new book I’m reading? It’s one of my mama’s that she’s finished with so I borrowed it because there’s only so many times you can re-read the same book, and Tusk Love is amazing, _obviously_ , but sometime you’ve got to switch it up, you know?’

‘Ah, yes I think I follow.’ Fjord smiled indulgently, preparing to be talked at for a while in Jester’s familiar, comforting prattle, ‘Go on then, tell me what it’s about, I can tell you’re dying to.’

‘Ok, so,’ Jester leaned forwards, balancing her elbows on her knees and her face cupped in her palms as she looked intently at Fjord, excitement sparkling in her eyes, ‘It’s about this _really_ handsome sea captain who sails a big boat with billowing sails, and he wears a white shirt all unbuttoned down his chest-’ she paused to take a breath, ‘-and he’s all content to live his really cool life as a sea captain, weathering storms and fighting sea monsters and _crazy_ things like that, but he’s in denial because he’s missing one thing in his life,’ she fluttered her eyelashes, sighing deeply, ‘ _love._ ’

‘A sea captain without romance in his life, huh?’ Fjord raised an eyebrow, starting to see where this was going.

‘Uh-yup. But he doesn’t realise he’s missing it, there’s just a feeling of emptiness in his life, you know? And he doesn’t know what could possibly fill it. But one day he finds a _stowaway_ on his ship and this stowaway is a really handsome scholar running away from his _dark past_ and the sea captain decides not to put him in the brig because he talks so charmingly and he’s a really good dinner companion, and the sea captain totally doesn’t know why he’s so charmed by the stowaway, but I can _totally tell_ that he’s starting to fall in love with him.’ Jester stared at Fjord expectantly.

‘Well, you are the expert on these sorts of books, so you’re probably right, Jester,’ Fjord offered graciously. Jester’s gaze was searing and he coughed a little, uncomfortable with the scrutiny, and scratched at his jaw self-consciously. He wasn’t sure if Jester was making this story up, or if she really had found a book that perfectly aligned with her subtextual interrogation of Fjord but, either way, she was on to him. He wasn’t surprised, just a little shaken that she hadn’t dropped the notion after they’d done their best to dissuade the nein back at Reani’s house.

‘You think so?’ Jester queried, grinning.

‘Well, I wouldn’t know, as I haven’t read the book.’ Fjord carefully sidestepped her insinuations.

‘I’ll totally lend it to you once I’m done reading it, I think you’ll really like it,’ she nudged him with her shoulder. ‘You know, the handsome scholar is totally in love with the sea captain too, I can tell. He’s always trying to spend time with him, and saying nice things to him, and teasing him in a _really_ flirty way. I think the sea captain should make a move, because I don’t know if the stowaway will say anything on his own, you know? I think he’s pretty shy and he’s waiting for the sea captain to take the first step because he doesn’t want to be pushy.’ She looked at Fjord for a beat, then continued, her pitch climbing as she went. ‘It just makes me so sad for them because they could be so happy together and less lonely if they just got together already, but I’m already _super_ far through the book and neither of them has said anything, and I don’t want them to miss their shot and to regret it forever, you know?’

‘Well, ah, Jester, sometimes it’s more complicated than that, and the timing just isn’t right or you don’t want to ruin what you already have by coming on too strong.’ He cleared his throat. ‘But I’m sure it will all work out in the end. It usually does in those kinds of books.’ He tried to smile in a reassuring manner, but she still looked agitated.

‘Fjord-,’ she began, then leaned closer to him, speaking in a stage whisper, ‘I’m pretty sure Caleb is in love with you too.’

‘Jester-,’ She cut him off before he could protest.

‘I’m pretty sure he is, because he’s always looking at you with these sad mushy eyes when he thinks you aren’t looking and that none of us can see, but I usually do see it because I tend to notice things, you know? And I know you said that it was all a misunderstanding and you’re not in love with him, but I know you, Fjord, and I see the way you look at him too.’

‘I-,’ Fjord tried to interject but she cut him off again.

‘Fjord, just hear me out, ok? I know life isn’t a romance book, but real people still write romance books and they know what they’re talking about because when two people love each other they’re so much happier once the other person knows about it, you know? It just makes everything easier and rosy-coloured and good. I just think you’ve got a chance to be happy, and I think you should take it because I’m pretty sure he wants you to, ok?’

She seemed to be winding down now, but Fjord left it a beat before he tried to speak.

‘Jester, I appreciate your concern, I really truly do. Your intentions are so, so good and I can see that shining out of you,’ he clasped her hands in his, ‘and I will be alright, I promise. But life isn’t like a romance book, and you can’t always believe what they tell you. Just because one person feels, ah, strongly about another, doesn’t mean their feelings are returned with the same intensity.’

‘Ok, Fjord, I believe you, just, think about it, ok? You deserve to be happy,’ Jester whispered. Then, slipping her hands out of his grasp, she flung them up in the air, exclaiming, ‘And you know what? I don’t believe _everything_ books tell me!’

‘Oh, why ever not? They are very often correct.’ came Caleb’s voice, smiling slyly as he approached them, having caught the last part of the conversation.

‘Thank you, _Caleb_ ,’ Jester stuck her tongue out at Fjord.

‘Not books called- what is this book called, Jester?’

‘Seven Seas of Passion,’ Jester announced in a deep, faux-sultry voice.

‘Exactly,’ Fjord gave Caleb an ‘ _I told you so’_ look.

‘Oh, I don’t know, that sounds pretty trustworthy to me,’ Caleb teased, ‘Jester, you will have to lend that to me when you are finished, it sounds right up my alley.’

‘Sure, I will, Caleb, but you will have to get it from Fjord, because I promised it to him next.’

‘Is that so,’ Caleb raised an eyebrow at Fjord, eyes sparkling with mirth.

‘Apparently,’ Fjord gave a sheepish smile back, shrugging a little. Caleb’s amusement was contagious, and the way the dim, golden firelight made him glow around the seams was more than a little intoxicating.

Jester was looking between them with a wicked glint in her eye that made Fjord swallow heavily. Once she got an idea in her head, there wasn’t much dissuading her. Especially when all the evidence showed that, yes, she was in fact onto something.

As Fjord valiantly attempted to ignore the way Jester was nudging him and bouncing her eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner, Frumpkin slinked back into view, making a beeline for Fjord’s ankles, twisting around them and purring.

‘You know, Caleb, Frumpkin seems to _really_ love Fjord. He’s been giving him a lot of attention tonight.’ Jester made no attempts to keep the insinuation out of her voice, but then again, when did she ever?

‘Frumpkin is a cat who knows what he wants and how to get it,’ Caleb commented, as Fjord reached down, almost unconsciously to scratch Frumpkin behind the ears, causing the fey-cat to lean into the touch and purr louder.

‘Are you jealous, Caleb?’ Jester’s tone was all-too-innocent.

‘Now, Jester, why would he be jealous of Frumpkin?’ Fjord admonished, trying to keep his tone light and dismissive.

‘Not of Frumpkin, Fjord,’ she said his name in such a way that he felt both foolish for the assumption, and also peeved she was pretending that wasn’t exactly what she meant, ‘of you, because Frumpkin is ignoring him and hanging out with you.’

Frumpkin hopped onto Fjord’s lap and Fjord’s hand automatically came up to stroke the fur around Frumpkin’s face. Fjord, flushing bright red under the scrutiny, focused his attention on the fey-cat and resolutely avoided Caleb and Jester’s respective gazes.

‘Ja, I am very jealous,’ Caleb said, his voice warm and smiling. ‘Ah well, it will be my turn soon enough, I suppose. He has enough affection to go around. Now, excuse me, I should go and prepare the dome for the night. I will see all three of you there in ten minutes or so.’

Caleb’s footsteps picked their way away from the campfire, and Fjord chanced a glance upwards, only to see Jester smiling, a little wistfully, at him.

‘I’m right, you’ll see,’ she whispered, planting a little kiss on Fjord’s temple and ruffling his hair, ‘he loves you, Fjord, I just know it.’

The prospect made him dizzy. He hadn’t been letting himself hope for such a gift, didn’t dare wish for more than he had, which was already so much more than he ever dreamed. He shot Jester a small smile, tight-lipped but still fond.

‘Well, who am I to argue with that logic?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been a while! I've been positively bedevilled with headaches, etc. 
> 
> This chapter is kind of filler, but I wanted to have a small bash at writing Caduceus, and another go at Jester, whom I adore. Feelings are messy and poor Fjord struggles to believe he's loved even when it's right in front of his eyes. 
> 
> Hope this little interlude is satisfying in some way. I'll quickly follow it up with something a tad more substantial. 
> 
> Love you muchly x


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb and Fjord attempt to put Trostenwald's public indecency laws to the test.

They arrived in Trostenwald tired and stressed from the journey and long overdue a bit of downtime, so when alcohol was suggested, even Caduceus and Jester agreed to sample the Lionett wine.

The atmosphere of the group was stoically jovial, with everyone long past ready to let off some steam and relax as much as they could. Although Fjord, remembering the last time he had let his guard down in the company of his friends and a few bottles of wine, made a point of guarding his glass from Nott and Jester. Jester at least had the decency to look contrite when she noticed that he was holding the glass close to his chest.

‘So how’s the secret affair going,’ Beau slurred a little as she targeted this question at Caleb and Fjord, who were sitting at a conservative distance from each other across the table from her. She had no way of knowing that Caleb’s hand was resting warmly on Fjord’s knee, and had been for some time now, right?

‘Excuse me?’ Fjord coughed.

‘Eh, you can’t take a joke. Caleb, how’s the affair?’

A joke. Ah, that was right. The joke that Caleb was a little too happy to play into back at the Xhorhaus.

‘We are thinking of a spring wedding, Beauregard, and I would like you to be my best man.’

‘It would be my great honour,’ Beau saluted at him, faux-sombre.

‘Are Caleb and Fjord having an affair?’ Caduceus chimed in, tone mild. ‘That’s nice.’

‘No, Beau is just being an ass, Caduceus,’ Fjord sighed, ignoring how his stomach churned at the denial.

‘Oh, really? Huh. I could’ve sworn…’ Caduceus trailed off at the warning look Fjord was shooting him, but his face still looked curious and a little too knowing, damn him.

Fjord swallowed and looked away. Caleb rubbed his knee reassuringly, and, well, that was nice.

As they wound down from the day’s travel and began to peel off towards their rooms, Caleb stopped Fjord with a gentle touch to his elbow.

‘Will you step outside with me for a moment? I would like to discuss that book again,’ Caleb looked a little flushed from the wine and Fjord wanted nothing more in that moment than to kiss away the cheeky smirk on Caleb’s face.

‘Yes, of course, I also have some thoughts on the book.’ He allowed himself to be led out the front door of the tavern.

‘What’s the deal with that fucking book?’ they heard Beau slur as they slipped outside and the door shut behind them.

Caleb pulled Fjord into the alley around the side of the tavern and pressed him up against the wall, gripping the front of Fjord’s shirt and pulling him down so that Caleb could plant sloppy, wine-flavoured kisses on Fjord’s mouth. Fjord laughed a little at how eager Caleb was, and bowed his neck to a more comfortable angle, retaliating with his own, slightly overzealous, slightly imprecise kisses, the wine having done a number on his fine motor control.

‘I want you, Fjord, I want you right now,’ Caleb played with the waistband of Fjord’s trousers, and Fjord’s face flushed as his mind flickered back to their night in the Xhorhaus.

‘You too, Caleb. So much,’ he whispered in Caleb’s ear as he kissed his way down Caleb’s jaw and neck, scraping the delicate skin with his tusks and delighting in the way Caleb gasped and dug his fingers into the flesh of Fjord’s waist.

‘Fjord, you had better stop that or I will be desperate enough to put the public indecency laws in Trostenwald to the test,’ Caleb slid his cold hands up under Fjord’s shirt, and Fjord shivered.

‘Eww, please don’t do that,’ Beau’s drunken voice reverberated through the alleyway like a gong, shaking them out of their stupor and causing them to spring apart, ‘I’m not usually on the side of the law, but in this case...’

Fjord hurriedly tucked his shirt back into his trousers and stared furiously at the ground, hoping it would do him a favour and eat him up.

‘Oh, hallo, Beauregard, we didn’t see you there. We were too caught up in our discussion. It got pretty heated, and, well, you know how it is with a good book,’ Caleb’s voice was forcibly bright.

‘Nu-uh, you don’t get to play that book club card anymore, Widogast. I know what studying looks like, and this ain’t it! Or else I would’ve studied way more in school.’

‘I mean, didn’t you?’ Caleb’s lip quirked a little.

‘Well, yeah,’ Beau admitted, ‘yeah, I did a lot of what you guys were doing and not much actual studying. Which is how I know you weren’t actually studying.’ She pointed an accusatory finger at them both.

Fjord glanced up and pulled an apologetic face, sidling up to Caleb for moral support.

‘How long,’ she paused to hiccup, ‘how long have you two assholes been fooling around?’

‘This is the first time?’ Fjord hedged, knowing as he said it that Beau was too smart for that.

‘No it fucking isn’t,’ she replied, crossing her arms.

Fjord put his hands up in surrender.

‘Ok, fine. You caught us, Beau. Since the last night in Uthodurn.’

Realisation bloomed in her eyes.

‘Oh shit! After that love filter thingy, right?’

‘Ja,’ Caleb said, softly.

‘Oh shit. How did I miss this? You guys are fucking sneaky, kudos to you.’

‘I am amazed we kept it a secret this long,’ Fjord admitted, ‘you almost had us, so many times.’

‘Ohhh my gods,’ everything seemed to click in Beau’s head at once, ‘I need to sit down.’ She looked towards the dingy ground of the alley and thought better of it. ‘Every time with the book? And the studying? And that night at the Xhorhaus…’ she covered her mouth with one hand and pointed the other one at Fjord and Caleb, wildly swinging between them. ‘You guys slept together!’ Her tone was accusatory. ‘You guys had sex and then lied about it to my face at breakfast.’

‘Maybe,’ Caleb smirked.

‘You sneaky fucking assholes. Congrats? I guess? Wait- are you really planning on a spring wedding? Am I really going to be your best man, Caleb? Because I will plan the best bachelor party-’

‘No, Beauregard, that part was a joke.’

‘Well I don’t fucking know anymore, do I?’

‘Look, cards on the table, Fjord and I have been, ah, together, I suppose, since Uthodurn. I believe we are,’ he hesitated for a moment, glancing at Fjord, before continuing, ‘exclusive and committed to each other.’

‘Yes, yes we are,’ Fjord added hastily, earning himself a soft, wonderful smile from Caleb. He grinned back, not even caring how dopey he looked.

‘Eugh, ok, you guys are gross, I get it.’

‘In the interest of full disclosure, yes, we had sex in the Xhorhaus, and Fjord was the one-‘

‘Nope, no, that’s none of my business! Thank you for the honesty, that’s enough,’ Beau waved her hands dismissively at Caleb, pulling a face.

‘I will not ask you to lie for us, Beauregard, but-’ Caleb looked questioningly at Fjord, who now clasped Caleb’s hand, unsure where he was going with this, but trusting him and following his lead. ‘But let us reveal it in our own way. We kept it from you all because it was fragile and new, but now,’ Caleb paused, deliberating over his choice of words, ‘now I believe it may be solid enough to hold up against the scrutiny?’

Fjord squeezed Caleb’s hand reassuringly.

‘So are you guys, like, going steady then? Gonna make a big announcement?’

‘Well, I- I don’t know about-,’ Fjord winced at the thought.

‘Are you like, in love?’ Her voice was softer now as she interrupted Fjord’s stammering, looking intently between them.

There was a pause, where the silence stretched on for an eternity.

Then -

‘Ja,’ Caleb’s voice was soft, but resolute, ‘I am in love with him, Beauregard.’ He turned to look at Fjord, whose breath had caught in his throat. ‘I am in love with you, Fjord.’

‘Huh,’ Beau said, under her breath.

Fjord felt weightless, like he was dreaming, but a good dream, where instead of dread tentacles he was caught up in the love radiating from Caleb and the force of it was such that it was squeezing the air out of his lungs.

‘Well, shit, Caleb. You know that I am too, right? In love with you? Since the beginning?’

‘Well, it is nice to hear you say it,’ Caleb’s smile was radiant, he looked almost as if he were glowing from the inside.

‘Ok, well, I guess if either of you hurts the other, I’ll have to kill you, or whatever, I don’t fucking know. Have fun studying. Don’t catch a cold.’ She began to back out of the alley, stumbling a little. ‘Don’t break any fucking laws, or like, regular ones either.’

Fjord smoothed the hair out of Caleb’s face and rested his forehead against Caleb’s. They stood like that for a moment, both grinning like idiots, short of breath and dizzy from the confessions and the wine and the proximity.

‘I am in love with you, Fjord,’ Caleb said, slowly, spacing out the words, savouring each one in his mouth.

‘And I’m in love with you, Caleb,’ Fjord replied, giddy, ‘We’re in love.’

‘Ja, we are in love.’

‘Isn’t that something?’

***

They re-entered the tavern not long after Beau. Arms slung around each other’s waists, grinning widely, swaying a little.

The barkeep, Adelaine, was finishing up the cleaning as they walked in, and she rolled her eyes good naturedly.

‘Hallo, Adelaine, did you know we are in love,’ Caleb called out in a stage whisper.

‘That sure is heart-warming to hear, now maybe you boys want to go and get a good night’s sleep and you can tell me about it in the morning.’

‘Ok, we shall, goodnight!’

They stumbled up the stairs to the rooms to find Beau standing in the hallway, yawning.

‘Took you long enough.’

‘Sorry to keep you waiting, Beauregard, you see, we are in love, and mad from it, and therefore cannot be held accountable for our actions,’ Caleb proclaimed. 

Fjord snickered and pressed a kiss to Caleb’s temple.

‘Yeah, yeah, Drunky McDrunkerson, I got that memo when I caught you sucking face in the alley, stop being gross.’

Fjord flipped her the finger and pressed a series of sloppy kisses to the side of Caleb’s face as Caleb laughed.

‘Come on, guys, ew, it’s like watching my brothers make out. You’re making me regret doing a really nice thing for you. See, for some reason I convinced Nott to come and have a sleepover with me and Jester tonight. It is exactly as awful as I thought it would be, and I won’t be getting much sleep because they’re giggling a lot. Now, I did that so that you guys get to have Caleb’s room all to yourselves. Because I’m a nice fucking person. Don’t be loud. Use protection. Now, go, before I puke.’

Fjord disentangled himself from Caleb’s side and walked over to take Beau’s face between his hands.

‘You are the greatest first mate in the history of first mates, thank you,’ Fjord said, with real feeling, and planted a sloppy kiss on her forehead.

‘Eugh, get off me, you monster. I don’t know where your mouth has been,’ she shoved him off and made a show of wiping her forehead with the back of her palm.

‘You love it, really.’

‘I absolutely do not, now go. Be disgusting behind a closed door.’

‘Thank you, Beauregard,’ Caleb smiled softly at her before grabbing Fjord’s hand and tugging him into the empty room.

The door slammed shut before either of them could see the tiny little wry smile on Beau’s face as she shook her head and walked towards her own room.

‘Those crazy kids.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this chapter for a while (just needed to write the in-between chapters) and I'm so excited to finally share it with you guys. I hope it gives you warm fuzzy feelings and helps you temporarily forget about how tragic and non-existent your own love life currently is (well, maybe I'm projecting). 
> 
> Jokes aside, all your wonderful comments have truly been a balm for my soul and this chapter (and the one that's coming up next if you like your romantic pay-off a little spicier ;) is a little love letter to you all. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Love you x
> 
> PS. I fuckin love writing Beau, what an icon


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions of Love 2: This Time It's Spicy

The door swung shut behind them with a creak and a thump, making them jump.

‘We are doing a terrible job of being sneaky,’ Caleb snickered.

‘So bad,’ Fjord agreed, vehemently, taking Caleb’s face between his palms and planting a kiss square on his mouth.

‘The jig is up. I am sure Beauregard will have spread the news by breakfast.’

‘I’m sure,’ Fjord planted a kiss on Caleb’s jaw, delighting at the way Caleb squirmed.

‘We should make the most of our last night of subterfuge, I think.’

‘Oh, I am planning on it.’

‘Gut, das is gut,’ Caleb gasped, as Fjord kissed his way down Caleb’s neck and slid his hands up Caleb’s belly, rumpling his shirt. ‘Here, let me.’ Caleb swatted Fjord away, and shucked his shirt off, propelling it into a corner and then grabbing the hem of Fjord’s to do the same.

‘Impatient, are we?’ Fjord was aiming for a teasing tone, but it seemed to him that it came out naked with want.

‘Oh, ja,’ Caleb breathed, nipping Fjord’s lip between his teeth and pulling slightly. Fjord panted and chased after Caleb’s retreating lips. When he caught them, he slid his tongue into Caleb’s eager mouth and used the momentum to propel their bodies towards the bed.

They stumbled until the back of Caleb’s knees hit the edge of the bed, at which point Caleb drew himself close to Fjord using his belt as a handhold, then caught one of Fjord’s legs with his foot, knocking Fjord off balance. Caleb used the momentary disorientation to turn them around and push Fjord backwards onto the bed.

Fjord propped himself up on his elbows, panting hard and gathering his bearings, before laughing as Caleb climbed on top of him, hands braced on either side of Fjord’s head.

Fjord skootched backwards to look Caleb in the eye.

‘That was a dirty trick.’

Caleb settled himself so that he was straddling Fjord’s waist, lowering his face to an inch away from Fjord’s lips, breathing heavily.

‘What are you going to do about it, Captain?’

Something heavy and swooping in Fjord’s belly liked _that_. He grinned, teeth bared.

Caleb bridged the gap between them, the force of his kiss clacking their teeth together slightly before they found their groove, Caleb’s tongue twining with Fjord’s own, hot and slick and still tasting slightly of expensive wine.

Fjord’s head thumped against the bed as he allowed Caleb to pin him to the mattress. He clasped Caleb tightly, digging his nails into the skin of his back until he felt Caleb gasp into his mouth.

When Caleb broke for air, he kissed his way to Fjord’s ear and whispered, breath hot and ticklish, ‘If you truly love me, Fjord, fuck me into this mattress. Fuck me like you mean it.’

Fjord didn’t have to be told twice. Leveraging his own weight, he flipped them over so that he was straddling Caleb. Caleb reached down and helped divest Fjord of his trousers, propping himself up on his elbow to admire the view as Fjord kicked them off, before re-joining Caleb on the bed to fumble with Caleb’s own belt.

‘I,’ Fjord breathed, planting a kiss on Caleb’s hip,

‘Love,’ he kissed the skin above Caleb’s belt buckle as he slid it open.

‘You,’ Fjord slid the trousers off, brushing his lips against Caleb’s thigh as he went.

He crawled back up onto the bed, skin sliding against skin as he brought his mouth up to hover over Caleb’s.

‘Caleb Widogast,’ he breathed, pressing an achingly gentle kiss to Caleb’s lips. He brushed a hand across Caleb’s cheek, admiring the flush blooming from the wine and from Fjord’s ministrations.

He pressed another kiss to Caleb’s lips, this one harder, bruising, with teeth and tongue and tusk.

Caleb moaned.

Fjord lifted away from the kiss, tugging Caleb’s lip between his teeth for a moment before disengaging.

‘I believe you,’ Caleb’s voice was full and heady with want, ‘but just for argument’s sake…’ he lifted his hands up to cup Fjord’s face, looking him dead in the eye, gaze full of love and lust and all manner of wondrous things. ‘Prove it.’

Fjord did his best. 

***

Fjord woke to sunlight filtering through the gap in the heavy curtains. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool, and the thin beam of light that bisected the bed was stinging his eyes. Caleb’s limbs were strewn across Fjord’s body, legs tangled together, an arm pinning his neck down to the pillow. Even though his head was screaming at him to go back to sleep, he forced his eyes open and took in the scene before him.

Caleb’s face was smooshed against the pillow, his eyes still shut, hair sticking up in odd directions, and mouth hanging slightly open. Fjord extricated one of his arms and gently brushed the hair out of Caleb’s face, marvelling at the sight.

Caleb stirred, groggy, and squinted open his eyes, smiling at Fjord but wincing a little.

‘Good morning,’ Fjord whispered, angling his hand to shield Caleb’s eyes from the sun.

‘Guten morgen,’ Caleb grumbled, shifting closer to Fjord so that he could bury his face in Fjord’s chest. Fjord laughed, low and soft, planting a kiss on the top of Caleb’s head.

‘I am never drinking wine again,’ Caleb mumbled, voice muffled. ‘Alcohol is a very bad thing.’

‘I agree with the general sentiment, but, counterpoint, it led to some very good things last night.’

‘Oh, well, I will concede that one to you, Fjord.’ Caleb emerged to smile contentedly up at Fjord.

Fjord shuffled downwards until his face was parallel with Caleb’s, and brought their faces so close that their noses brushed against each other’s.

‘Was last night enough proof for you?’ Fjord whispered.

‘Oh, ja, I am quite satisfied,’ Caleb breathed back, planting a messy kiss on the corner of Fjord’s mouth.

‘We are going to have to face the music at the breakfast table,’ Fjord murmured against Caleb’s lips.

‘Oh, scheisse, I forgot about that.’ Caleb groaned. ‘Do you think that maybe Beauregard has forgotten?’

‘We may be so lucky, but we should prepare for the likeliest outcome.’

‘That she has told everyone, ja?’

‘Exactly.’

‘Oh well, at least if the others know it means I can do this-,’ Caleb kissed Fjord soundly on the lips, savouring it for a moment before continuing, ‘anytime I wish.’

‘You make a very good point,’ Fjord kissed him back, a lingering kiss, Caleb’s lower lip between his own two. And again. And again.

‘Let us just stay here forever, Fjord.’

‘Ok.’

‘You are such an easy sell.’ Caleb hummed his approval, one hand in Fjord’s hair, the other sliding deliciously along his lower back.

‘It’s only that what you’re selling is so appealing.’ Fjord hooked a leg around the back of Caleb’s knee.

‘I must think of other things I can convince you to do.’

‘I’d do them.’

‘I love that about you.’

The word made Fjord’s chest swell like the tide, and a flock of birds take roost in his belly. Failing to find the appropriate words to express his thoughts, he simply rolled on top of Caleb and began kissing every inch of him that he could reach. Caleb sighed happily, and let his head loll back against the pillow.

‘And that, liebling, I love that too.’

Fjord’s downward expedition was interrupted by a violent rap at the door.

‘Get your asses out of bed and put your pants on,’ Beau called through the door, sounding terribly put upon.

Caleb groaned and flung an arm over his face.

‘Stop whatever it is you’re doing and make yourselves decent. Everyone is down at breakfast but it won’t be long before they get bored and come looking for you.’

Fjord rolled away from Caleb and reluctantly slid out of bed to begin the hunt for his clothes, planting a kiss on Caleb’s temple as he went.

‘Thank you, Beauregard, we will keep that in mind,’ Caleb called back, slamming his head back into the pillow, frustration colouring his tone.

‘No-one ever died of blue balls, Widogast.’ Then, softer: ‘I haven’t told them anything, but they’re gonna figure it out soon enough. Do it your own way while you have the chance.’

Fjord, having slipped into his trousers, padded over to the door and cracked it open. Beau stood, arms folded, leaning against the door frame.

‘Thanks, Beau,’ he smiled, rubbing the back of his neck, ‘you’re a good friend.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Beau made a flippant gesture, ‘whatever. Drag your pathetic excuse for a wizard out of bed and get your ass to the breakfast table before they run out of bacon.’

Fjord’s heart went a little mushy at the way Beau called Caleb _his_.

‘Fuck you, too, Beauregard,’ came Caleb’s voice as delicate, calloused hands slid around Fjord’s waist and Caleb appeared behind him in the door frame. Fjord turned his head and smiled as Caleb dropped a kiss on Fjord’s shoulder.

‘Y’all are gross,’ Beau jerked her chin at them, ‘see you downstairs.’ She began to stride down the hallway before calling over her shoulder: ‘And keep it in your pants. If you don’t show up in the next couple minutes I’ll send Jester to investigate.’ She disappeared down the stairs.

Caleb looked calculating for a moment, then frowned.

‘It’s not worth it, right?’

Fjord laughed and shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to finishing this story, and I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, the response to this fic has been overwhelmingly lovely. To everyone who has commented so far, you are the wind beneath my wings, the light of my life, the single, easily missed, heart-shaped bubble in my effervescent rosy-hued potion. 
> 
> I've had a few comments about how well I've captured the character's voices, and honestly, those comments are enough serotonin to keep me fed for weeks <3 It's something I'm very conscious of when writing dialogue, making an effort to capture the mannerisms and quirks of speech the characters use, and to be affirmed that I'm getting it right just makes me feel so valid, you guys!!
> 
> I have unfortunately been cockblocked in my writing attempts by issues of adult life that must be resolved in order to keep up my charade of competency, so the updates have been much farther apart. Rest assured it is almost entirely written, and I shall have the conclusion with you as soon as my emails have been opened and to do lists have been summarily ticked. 
> 
> As always,  
> love you xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb and Fjord come clean; the Nein react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience, ma friends. This final chapter is dedicated to everyone who has commented and encouraged me through this fic. You all are incredible and I'm so grateful that you've devoted your time to my ramblings <3

Fjord arrived downstairs first, sliding onto one on the bench seats and acknowledging the rest of the nein with a smile. He left space on the end of the bench for Caleb who had taken a detour via the washroom to splash some cold water on his face and attempt to shake off the worst of his hangover.

‘Good morning, Mr Fjord, I trust you slept well?’ Caduceus asked with a smile, sliding a hearty plate of breakfast food over towards a very grateful Fjord.

‘Caduceus, have I ever told you that you’re my hero?’ Fjord groaned as he inhaled the savoury smells, pointedly ignoring the insinuation of Caduceus’ enquiry. Of course he would have picked up on the fact that Fjord never returned to their shared room last night, but at least he would have the decency not to announce that to the entire group, right?

Caduceus chuckled beside him.

‘If you don’t mind me saying, Mr Fjord, you look very content.’

‘Ah,’ Fjord huffed a little laugh, images from the night before surfacing in his mind: Caleb pressing him up against the wall in the alley; the tender, whispered _I love you_ s; the way Caleb had knocked his feet out from under him, pushing Fjord backwards onto the mattress.

‘I think you might have been onto something about that soft landing, Caduceus.’ A soft landing indeed.

‘I’m not sure I entirely grasp your meaning, but it sure is nice to see you smile like that.’

‘I figure being enigmatic is just a part of this whole “worshipping the Wildmother” thing, right?’ Fjord grinned, abashed, and scratched the back of his neck. ‘At least that’s what you’ve led me to believe.’

‘I suppose I can’t blame you for following my lead.’ Caduceus gave a wry smile.

‘What took you so long?’ Nott demanded, catching sight of Fjord and fixing an accusatory stare his way. ‘You look _terrible_ , by the way.’

‘Thanks, Nott, for being charming as always.’ Fjord rolled his eyes and continued working his way methodically through his breakfast, the offering of greasy food appeasing the brooding beast that was his hangover. He couldn’t remember if fried potatoes had ever tasted quite so good as these. ‘Not all of us have your impressive tolerance for alcohol. I passed out pretty hard last night.’

The lie slipped off his tongue as easily as a stream over a waterfall, and he felt a disquietude begin to settle like rocks in his stomach. He was so used to keeping his and Caleb’s secret by now that he wondered if his mouth would let him come clean, or if it would snap shut like a clam if he even thought about it.

‘I figured you for a lightweight,’ Nott declared with haughty glee.

‘Stop making fun of him, _Nott_ ,’ Jester berated her friend, shooting Fjord a look which was perhaps meant to be sympathetic, but mostly just looked pitying, ‘can’t you see he’s looking delicate?’

‘No change from how he normally looks, then,’ Nott quipped.

Fjord was on the verge of defending his honour, just about to work himself up into a righteous defence of his constitution, when his attention was taken by another body sliding into the seat next to him.

‘Hi, Fjord,’ Caleb intoned in a low voice, smiling softly as he bumped his shoulder against Fjord’s, his knee coming to rest against Fjord’s knee under the table.

‘Hi, Caleb.’ Fjord smiled back in what was probably a very sappy manner, but he was too hungover to care.

From across the table, Beau made a gagging sound.

‘Are you alright there, Beauregard? Is there something wrong with the food?’ Caleb asked this lightly, but there was an undertone of fond amusement that signalled to Fjord that Caleb knew exactly what Beau was reacting to.

‘Nope, food’s great,’ Beau mumbled back, pointing to her full mouthful as if illustrating her point.

‘Well, with a glowing review like that perhaps I should try some.’ Caleb reached out and swiped a slice of bacon from Fjord’s plate.

‘Hey!’ Fjord swatted him on the arm, mock-scolding, although he melted a little when he saw Caleb’s cheeky smile. ‘Nott has an entire plate for you, you thieving scoundrel.’

As if on cue, Nott slid a fully loaded plate over to Caleb.

‘Thank you, Nott the Brave,’ Caleb smiled. ‘You are missing the point here, Fjord, which is that I take great delight in tormenting you.’

Fjord didn’t dignify that with a response, merely swiping some bacon from Caleb’s plate in retaliation, earning him a fondly amused smile.

‘How was your sleepover last night, Nott? Jester?’ Caleb enquired.

Fjord was in awe of how he talked so casually around the woolly mammoth in the room.

‘Oh, it was so much fun,’ Jester burbled, ‘we sat up and chatted and I did Nott’s hair- look! Doesn’t she look beautiful?’ Jester flourished her hands in the direction of Nott’s hair which was done up in some kind of elaborate braid complete with yellow ribbon threaded through.

‘She’s very talented,’ Nott bowed her head a little from the attention, face flushing.

‘It looks very lovely. I am glad you had a good time.’

‘I hope you weren’t too lonely last night, Caleb,’ Nott sounded a little guilty.

‘Oh, nein, not at all.’ Caleb’s thigh pressed warmly against Fjord’s and Fjord coughed a little, awkwardly. Beau rolled her eyes at the both of them, and Fjord surreptitiously flipped her two fingers.

‘Oh, well, that’s good then,’ Nott eyed him dubiously.

‘Really, Nott, I am happy you had fun with Jester.’

‘I don’t imagine he was alone last night, anyway,’ Caduceus chipped in, seeming for all the world as if he were hardly even aware of the effect his statement would have.

‘What?’ Nott exclaimed, sharply, eyes narrowing. ‘What do you mean, Caduceus?’

‘Well, I assume Mr Fjord bunked with Mr Caleb, as he didn’t come back to our room last night,’ Caduceus mused. Fjord readjusted his perception of Caduceus: he had no decency at all, the traitor.

Jester looked up, her interest piqued, a dangerously gleeful light in her eyes.

Fjord cleared his throat, and chimed in.

‘Sorry, Caduceus, I should have said something. We were up late and I didn’t want to disturb you.’

Caduceus nodded and smiled in acknowledgement.

‘That’s disappointing, for a moment there I almost though that Caleb was getting laid,’ Nott teased.

Fjord could feel himself turning bright red, and the amused look Beau was shooting him across the table was doing nothing to prevent that. He busied himself by stuffing his mouth with the last of his breakfast.

‘You are far too interested in the details of my sex life, Nott the Brave,’ Caleb rolled his eyes at her, good-naturedly.

‘As if there are details to be interested in,’ Nott scoffed, losing interest and turning to Jester to pick up a previous thread of conversation.

As the attention turned away from him, Caleb leaned in and murmured to Fjord, his breath tickling Fjord’s ear, causing Fjord’s breath to catch in his throat momentarily: ‘I feel as though perhaps I missed our window to come clean.’

‘Is that what we’re doing?’ Fjord gathered himself and whispered back, bracing his arm across the back of the bench behind Caleb’s shoulders in order to get a good angle. ‘Coming clean?’

‘If you are okay with that, Fjord, I do not want to force it on you.’ Caleb looked so concerned by what Fjord wanted that it made Fjord’s belly swoop. Fjord smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner rather than an apprehensive one.

‘It’s going to be a little awkward, but I think it’s past time.’

‘Well, when we next see a window, let us jump through it.’

Caleb was so close that Fjord could have leaned in and kissed him right there. He could almost taste the way the salt of their breakfast would mingle with the heat of Caleb’s mouth. Resisting temptation, Fjord instead swiped a piece of bacon from Caleb’s plate, watching Caleb’s expression go from barely concealed want to feigned indignation.

‘Now who is the thieving scoundrel? You are a pest.’ Caleb swatted Fjord’s hand with his fork.

‘You say that, but we both know you love me, really,’ Fjord grinned through his mouthful of bacon.

‘Ja, that is true,’ Caleb sighed, ‘but right now my love for you is precluded by my love for greasy food.’

‘Excuse me?’ Nott’s strident voice cut through Fjord’s Celeb-centric reverie, and he glanced up from where his head was bowed towards Caleb’s to see that the rest of the table had stopped to watch them. Nott was squinting at them as though they had been replaced by two gnolls in fancy clothing. ‘Did I hear you right? There must be something wrong with my ears because I thought I heard the two of you talking about how you _love each other_.’

There was a beat of silence, where Fjord’s brain processed what was happening. He started to think of ways to backtrack before stopping that train of thought. This was what they wanted, after all, everything out in the open.

‘Ja, what of it?’ Caleb said lightly, amusement colouring his tone. ‘I love each and every one of you dearly.’

Fjord could see the shit-eating grin forming on Caleb’s face, and it made him laugh despite himself.

‘In a different way, I hope, or else our bed will get quite full quite quickly.’ Fjord’s tone was jovial, but his heart was pounding as all eyes snapped to him.

There was another beat of silence while everyone processed what he had said. Fjord took a shuddering breath. No take backs.

‘ _OUR bed_!?’ Nott shrieked, mouth agape. ‘You’ve _shared a bed?_ ’

‘You’re a married woman, Nott, surely that’s not a foreign concept to you.’

Nott whirled on Fjord, spluttering, as Caleb snorted a laugh. Fjord took a large bite of his potatoes to give his mouth something to do other than continue to rile up Nott.

‘ _CALEB!_ ’ Nott’s voice had become so high-pitched that it could double as a dog whistle. ‘I’ve always thought you needed to get laid, but not like this! Not with _him!_ ’

‘I’ll take that as your blessing then, Nott, shall I?’ Fjord asked dryly, mouth still half full.

‘Caleb, _how_ could you sleep with this limp noodle of a man? Look, he even talks with his mouth full!’ She slammed her hands into the table to make her point, eyes a little crazed.

‘Oh, well, I suppose you are right, Nott the Brave.’ Caleb turned to look at Fjord, faux-serious. ‘Fjord, it has been swell, but I am afraid I cannot look at you the same way anymore.’

‘Come on, Caleb, at least be consistent. Last night you liked it when my mouth was full.’ Fjord could feel his ears flush even as the wry murmur slipped unbidden from his mouth, but the way Caleb’s eyes sparkled with delighted mirth was worth the embarrassment.

‘Now that is a very compelling argument,’ Caleb nearly purred, caught off guard by Fjord’s insinuation, and slipping into the cadences of their more private banter.

Fjord smiled winningly back then popped more bacon into his mouth, matching Caleb’s eye contact the whole time, revelling in the familiar electric snap of the atmosphere between them.

‘This is torture. I was _drowned_ to my _death_ and this is still the worst torture I’ve ever experienced,’ Nott wailed, slamming her face down onto the table.

‘Guys, don’t listen to Nott she’s just being a drama queen, we’re so happy for you, really!’ Jester was practically squealing with glee, bouncing in her chair. Fjord shot her a grateful smile, and she returned it, bright enough to deal radiant damage. ‘Aren’t we, Beau?’ Jester turned her attention to Beau, who had been notably silent, just watching the proceedings with an amused expression.

‘Wha- huh?’ Beau startled. ‘Oh, yeah, super happy, yay!’

‘Beau,’ Jester’s eyes narrowed, ‘do you even know what we’re talking about? Caleb and Fjord are like, _together_ together, that’s surprising, right?’

‘Oh, wow, you guys are together?’ Beau pulled her face into an approximation of surprise. ‘I’m like, super shocked- ok no, I can’t pull that off.’ She dropped the face and gestured wildly with her fork. ‘I nearly caught them having sex in the alleyway last night, so this is old news for me.’

‘ _THE ALLEYWAY?’_ Nott lifted her head from the table to express her dismay. ‘Fjord, shame on you for treating Caleb like some common alley cat. Shame!’

‘You don’t have to defend my honour, Nott, I was quite alright with it,’ Caleb responded, mildly. 

‘You should have higher standards for yourself, Caleb,’ Nott lectured, ‘you know that you don’t have to settle for the first beanpole of a man with a silly accent who bats his eyelashes at you, right?’

‘I think they’re _so_ cute together.’ Jester was making doe eyes, her face propped up on her hands.

‘You say cute, I say barf-inducing,’ Beau chimed in.

‘I think it’s nice,’ Caduceus smiled indulgently at them.

‘Thank you, Caduceus,’ Fjord said sternly, staring Nott down, ‘see, at least some of our friends are happy for us.’

‘Oh, all right,’ Nott grumbled, ‘I’m not _not_ happy for you.’

‘Wow, that’s practically a ringing endorsement,’ Fjord commented to Caleb, who looked relieved at Nott’s acquiescence.

Seeing the look on Caleb’s face, Nott softened a little.

‘Do you really love him, Cay-Cay?’ her voice was gentler now, and her eyes were searching Caleb’s face intently, attempting to glean the truth.

‘Ja, Nott, I really truly do.’ Caleb wrapped his fingers around Fjord’s, and rested their joined hands on the table in view of the group, his thumb rubbing subtle circles over Fjord’s knuckles. Fjord’s heart swelled like a tidal wave, all apprehension washed away by the knowledge that Caleb wanted him no matter who was watching. No matter who knew.

‘Well, I suppose if he makes you happy…’ She sighed. ‘But there’s no accounting for taste.’ She looked pointedly at Fjord. He smiled softly, apologetically back at her. Attempting to acknowledge without words that he understood her protectiveness, and he wouldn’t let her down.

Seeing his expression she relaxed, just a little, and stuck her tongue out at him. Fjord laughed, relieved and pleased.

‘Well, I think you’re quite the catch, Fjord,’ Jester chimed in.

‘Thank you, Jester,’ Fjord smiled fondly over at her.

‘Aaand, I was right all along! I _told_ you that Caleb was in love with you!’

Fjord groaned.

‘You did at that, Jester.’

‘So, I’m basically a genius when it comes to romance, right?’ Her grin was wicked. ‘Go on, say it, say “Jester you are a romance genius and I never should have doubted you.”’

‘Jester, you are a romance genius and Fjord never should have doubted you,’ Caleb smiled indulgently over at her.

‘Well-’ Fjord hesitated, wanting to protest but not wanting to lose an ally, ‘-sure, Jester, let’s go with that.’

Jester made a happy noise, taking the win, and went back to her breakfast.

Fjord felt a shifting on the bench beside him and a sudden loss of warmth against his thigh as Caleb stood up.

‘It seems the cat is out of the bag, then, liebling. I am going to fetch more bacon.’ Caleb leaned down and kissed Fjord sweetly on the lips, once, lingering, and then a second time for good measure, before walking away, only letting go of Fjord’s hand when he was too far away to hold on.

‘This is my personal hell.’ Nott dragged her hands slowly down her face, eyes rolling back in her head.

A piece of potato fashioned into a projectile bounced off Fjord’s forehead, and he turned to see Beau pulling a face.

‘Stop looking so sappy, asshole, I’m barely holding down my breakfast as it is.’ She sounded pissed off, but Fjord knew her well enough to recognise the fondness behind her eye roll. He grinned back at her.

***

After a brief time, Caleb would return to the table and take his place at Fjord’s side. He would take Fjord’s hand in his own, resting them on the table before the rest of the group, easily and casually as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world. Their friends would tease them and feign disgust, poorly disguising their fond indulgence.

When they set back out on the road, Caleb and Fjord would push their bedrolls together and fall asleep with each other’s warmth to ground them. They would wake to chaste kisses, and wrap their arms around each other without worry or fear of being caught. They would introduce each other as ‘ _my partner’_ , or perhaps, ‘ _my love’_. They would give each other hope, and a home.

But for now, Caleb was acquiring more food for the both of them, and Fjord was watching him with a smile that overflowed with feeling. With everything out in the open, and the weight of secrets lifted, the future opened up before Fjord, full of possibility. Full of love, and family, and _Caleb_. 

Bubbles of happiness welled up in Fjord's chest. Effervescent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this fic early on in lockdown, when I finally had enough of a break from adulthood to write without feeling guilty for avoiding my other responsibilities. It's been such a joy to experience the give and take with all you readers after having not written fic for so long. I'd forgotten how much fun writing was, especially writing shamelessly sappy romances!
> 
> It's fitting that as I post this final chapter I'm preparing to head back to work. It's a stressful time and unfortunately I haven't really had the headspace for much drafting and editing, so I hope this chapter holds up. If I have the opportunity I might revisit it and do some light editing. 
> 
> I can't overstate how much joy your comments have brought me over the past few months. This little community is a goddamn delight, and I adore you all <3
> 
> As always, let me know what you think, and, for the last time (in the notes of this particular story, at least),
> 
> Love you xx
> 
> PS. I am so sorry for ending it on a silly reference (by which I mean, I'm not sorry at all)


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